Cake 4 W

Greiving

2010-01-07T17:20:00.004-07:00

It's been a while, and I have to remind myself sometimes how truly blessed I am.

A couple of weeks ago, the 23rd of December, some friends of ours had their 8 y/o boy diagnosed with Pediatric Brainstem Cancer. You can read about him here. As difficult as my life is sometimes, I don't have to make the choice to have 3 months with my 8 year old son, or with radiation, extend that to 9 to 15 months. Either way, my friend Stacy is going to lose her son. This beautiful, sweet, innocent little boy, their oldest child.

My heart just aches for her. I wish I could fix it, but I know I can't. It feels so helpless. It is the same feeling I had when I stared blankly into the face of my mother the day she asked me if I'd felt the baby move. I hadn't. I knew she was gone. Yet something wouldn't let me believe. I went through all the motions of drinking juice, lying on my left side, etc. I pushed on the babe inside me, and there was no resistance. I went in and took a bath, knowing that I would be going to the hospital to deliver a full term still born baby, but still not allowing myself to believe it.

Oddly enough, Oliver is the same age as my baby would have been. The pain of losing her becomes raw as I think of the struggle this young mother has before her. I pray for their family and mostly for Oliver. He's been so brave and strong already. The emptiness in my arms is all too familiar as I remember the day I went home from the hospital. I sat in the wheelchair, and turned around to the nurse for her to hand me my pink bundle before I remembered that she wasn't going home with me. The worst thing was catching up with the woman who had left just before me in the lobby of the hospital who was leaving with her new baby girl, and trying to not let her see me.

When I had gone into the hospital, the trees were still naked, waiting for the sun and spring to breathe life back into their branches. When I came home, the leaves had popped open, it seemed all at once! There were flowers blooming, everything had turned green. It was spring, my favorite time of year. A time of rebirth. A time for growth! A time for life! And I was getting ready to plan my daughter's funeral.

If it weren't for the journal my sister sent me, I wouldn't remember any of that year that followed. The parts I do remember are spotty. The pain gets better over time. I wish I'd had a closer relationship with my Savior at that time in my life. How I needed Him, and I didn't even know it. I didn't know where to begin putting the pieces of my broken life back together.

I guess if there is one thing about the Palmer family that I am so proud of, it's that they are so grounded in their love of the Savior, and that Stacy is so confidant and strong in her relationship with Him. I know they will be okay. It's not going to be easy, and I'm sad for them. But I am glad they are in a better place than I was when I lost my baby. It took me so long to heal. There are still ways that I don't think I have.

The pain lessens every day, but the empty hole is always there. I always count the kids at prayer time. Time is definitely a healer, and I thank God that we have an eternity.

Thank you...

2009-09-10T18:14:00.003-06:00

Lying in your arms is safe. You right the world's wrongs. There's no place I'd rather be. The healing touch of your hands on my skin and the fire of your kisses on my lips makes me forget why the tears burned my cheeks in the first place.

The love in your eyes is always visible to me. You accept me for who I am with all my failings and love me anyway. You love me when I can't love myself. You make the attempt to understand me. I lie in your arms with the strength that's there and know that I'm in the right place.

Spiraling...

2009-08-10T14:32:00.003-06:00

what happened in the last couple of hours...?

I haven't seen you in over 20 years, and I am not ready to let you go again. I know I said I was a big girl, but maybe I'm not as big as I thought. I've been so careful to be appropriate, to not step over the line. So have you. And now, what will happen? Will I never get the chance to talk to you again? Will we be unable to be friends because she doesn't trust you? How many thousands of miles am I from you? And I'm married, too. My life won't be the same if I lose you. We were so close, and when we reconnected, it was like we were never apart.

I guess we just have to wait and see...

Do You Remember Me?

2009-04-09T10:51:00.002-06:00

I was the dorky girl who liked everyone and didn't understand cliques... You made fun of me because I passed gas audibly while we were working in a small group. Do you even remember that? I was mortified. I wanted to die then and there. And you told everyone. That was the beginning of my middle school career. From then on, I was a marked woman...

Do you remember me? I was the girl who sprayed perfume on your backpack on the bus. You were always so smart, and made sure everyone knew it. I think I was jealous that it seemed to come so easy to you. At the time, I thought it was just a harmless prank. I have thought about you often over the years and wonder what's become of you. I can only imagine you are a brilliant doctor somewhere, saving lives and influencing people.

Do you remember me? I was the girl on the bus that you threatened and yelled obscenities at. You glared at me every day, and I ignored you, and secretly, I was scared to death of you. And finally, one day, I'd had a crappy day and you picked, and I snapped. I remember telling you to shut the f*** up. It stopped that day. You never said another word to me. I never did figure out what I'd done that made you mad in the first place. I didn't even know you.

Do you remember me? You cornered me in an empty hallway while class was in session because you wanted to "talk." You had me against a locker and towered over me, with your huge black arms on either side of my head. Every sentence spoken meant your face got closer to mine. And then you tried to kiss me, and I ducked under one of your arms, and ran. I avoided you after that. I never had the courage to be myself around another black man because of you. I was afraid of that intrusion of my personal space when it was unwanted. We were supposed to be just friends, but some guys just don't take no for an answer I guess...

Do you remember me? I was invisible, it seemed. I barely remember myself that year. I was miserable. I had unrealistic expectations of my life. I felt like I had no friends in the world (even though looking back, I know this was not the case) and this was the year that I tried to kill myself. I took a bottle of baby aspirin. I told you. You were the only one entrusted with this deep dark secret until just months ago. Except for a shrink 8 years ago when I was in a hospital. I didn't like who I was and wanted to get away from myself. You were there, never judging. Just being my friend and trying to help me. I secretly (or maybe not so secretly) had a crush on you. You became the impossible standard for someone else to live up to.

Do you remember me? I had never before that night laid eyes on you. I was drunk. And we made out. And I woke up disgusted with myself and realized that I was stuck in a relationship I had no control over and didn't know how to get out of. I was plagued with suicidal thoughts. And I prayed. I prayed like I've never prayed before, for help. I didn't know what to do. I prayed to know how to get out of the dead end relationship that was so volatile and unhealthy for me. I prayed knowing that one of two things would happen; God would help me figure out a way to get out of the hell I was in, or I would get myself out the only way I knew how... and something happened....

Do you remember me? I know you do... We were together for almost five years. At the end, you punched me and called me a name that still has NEVER passed through my lips, and those who know me know that's saying a lot, because there isn't much I can't/don't say. I still remember the feeling of those words. I didn't even feel the fist... I felt, physically, felt those words. I have never had anyone hurt me with words the way you did. Emotionally or physically. It took me years to forgive you. I couldn't imagine my life without you. I didn't think I could live. But you didn't want me. You may have thought you did. But you didn't treat me the way you treat someone you love. I was an object. A posession. It took a long time for me to see it. Did you know that I wanted to die over everything that happened? Did you know I was drinking to dull the pain of the constant emotional abuse at your hands? Did you know that it got to the point that I went to lunch with girlfriends from college and went back to class intoxicated? And I still took you back, because you convinced me you'd changed. You convinced me you were ready to get married... And when I called you and was married and pregnant, to ask if you were happy and if you loved her, did you know I would have left it if you'd asked me to? We would have ended up breaking up again... but I was more miserable with him than I'd been with you... sad...

Do you remember me? I know you do. You neglected me for six years. You slept next to me in our bed all that time, but never really knew me. I am partially responsible for the disintegration of our marriage. I didn't recognize the way you showed love on the rare occasions that you showed it. You never see our children. You haven't seen them in five years. Would you even know them if you saw them on the street? I'm fine with you not seeing them, except that you won't give up your rights to the man who sees them and takes care of them and loves them every day. I tried everything I could to save the marriage. I couldn't be the adult for you too. Would I do it again? Yes. You know why? Because I'd never trade my beautiful children for that six years of hell.

I know you... You are the one I live for. The one I love with all my heart, body, and soul. You love me. You take care of me. You put up with my tantrums and my extensive time on things that are maybe not so important. You provide for our children. You love me when I can't love myself. You really know me, and you "get" me. You try to understand even when I don't get it sometimes. I have one gorgeous little boy with you. But you have taken on the rest like they are your own. You are compassionate. You are funny. We have a good time together. I love spending time with you. I am in love with you after all these years. I roll my eyes and get annoyed with the little things sometimes, but they pale instantly when you look into my eyes, or when you smile at me. I love your strength, the way you hold me in your arms. I love how smart you are. How it annoys you when people don't do something right. There's a black and white line for you with most things, and you like to know which side people are on. I love your ability to be nonjudgmental. That's what makes our relationship possible. I love being able to talk to you. The first time we kissed,I knew we were supposed to be together. I am so lucky to have found you after a couple of wrong fits. You have been the piece that completed the puzzle that is me. I love you for eternity.

The hard decisions

2009-04-04T12:41:00.002-06:00

they come with a price... We made a hard decision, and I am now paying that price. I am in pain. Pain that comes from a decision between two things, one that you want, and one that is the right thing... I had to choose the one that is right, but it's not what I want... So I am working through the pain of difficult decisions, and praying that God will take care of it.

Class I'm taking

2009-03-06T21:48:00.002-07:00

I am taking a parenting class through the church. I really am enjoying it. I missed the first four, I think, but it's a 10 week course, so I started going a little late. Anyway, the instructor is phenomenal. I really like her. I always wanted to be a mom, from the time I was a very little girl. I've also been very bad at it, in my own opinion. I mean, I'm not beating them or anything. But I'm just not good at being a good mom. I am overly critical, and have very high expectations of them. So this class has been good for me, more because it works on issues that I need to work on as a person, not just as a mother.

And the changes have been small, and gradual. And in some cases, mildly painful. But there have been changes. And I am really grateful for that.

Things...

2009-03-05T22:29:00.002-07:00

I am sometimes amazed (and not in a good way) by the lack of compassion from people who should know better.

There is an old Native American proverb that says, "Never judge another person til you've walked a mile in his moccasins." Ok, that might not be exactly it, but, you get the idea.

That's all I'm going to say, because those of you who already get it will ask me, "are you talking about me?" and those who don't will think I don't mean them anyway, so... if you think I'm NOT talking to you, you're probably wrong.

My Monday GRRRR

2009-03-02T08:56:00.002-07:00

I woke up this morning in a bit of a funk. See, I need money. I need money to hire an attorney so I can have my husband adopt my kids from my first marriage. My ex husband has not paid child support or seen the kids in 3 1/2 years. And, because he stopped paying child support, it put us in a mode of paycheck to paycheck. And because of that, we can't afford to hire the attorney. And if he was paying child support, we wouldn't need the attorney, because we wouldn't be able to terminate without his consent.

SO... here I sit with the economy in the toilet, trying to be grateful for the fact that my husband has a job. And trying to be ok with the fact that I am staying home and unable to bring any extra income into the house while I do that. Not that I'd be able to find a job. Been there, done that, and the economy was slightly better then than it is now. And, I know that one visit to the H&W office would get them garnishing wages and get me at least $500 a month. Do you know how much that would help us right now?

But, if I were to do that, it would screw our chances of being able to terminate his rights. And I don't know if I can live with that. I don't know what to do. I keep praying for the Lord to open a way for us to do this, but so far, nothing is happening... So what the hell do I do? I try to let Him be in charget, but when I feel like there's nothing happening, it is very difficult.

Perhaps some service would be good for me to do... Meanwhile, if you have any ideas, please feel free to share them with me, because I am completely out of ideas, and dangerously low on faith today.

OOOH! LOOKIE!

2009-01-12T07:40:00.005-07:00

Lookie what there is!! Tax money, here comes some new Shimmerz for me!

Check out the blog candy here:

http://shimmerzpaints.blogspot.com/2009/01/announcing-new-blingz.html

I LOVE these! And free is good, right? :)

W
Sorry, you will have to copy and paste, because blogger is being stupid and won't post my click on link... UGH

Christmas 2008

2009-01-01T19:21:00.004-07:00

Christmas this year was fun. And seemed more meaninful than usual. My mother and father-in-law showered my kids with gifts that they loved, and my own parents, who usually don't buy material gifts for my kids also sent things. It was wonderful, and I felt really happy, which is unusual for me most of the time due to the stress of my responsibility.

It was just peace, even amidst the chaos of tearing off the wrapping paper from their gifts. The release of not having to manage the situation... the rememberances of Christmases of my youth. It just made me really happy.

It is so great to have inlaws I love so much, who treat me with respect.

ANYWAY... I digress... My husband's parents were over last night to play cards, and my FIL got on me because there weren't any pictures of the kids on my blog. SO, I need to correct that :) So I am going to add some pictures of Christmas, when the kids opened their gifts.

My apologies, I know one is sideways, and I couldn't figure out how to fix it... But do you see the joy on those faces? I sure love these little punks :)

Another addition to my altered guitar

2008-12-28T16:03:00.003-07:00

OK, it wasn't quite done... so I had to finish it off. Thanks girls for the suggestions ;)

The fret board was actually done before, I just realized I'd neglected to take pics of it :)

Guitar Hero World Tour

2008-12-28T15:01:00.004-07:00

So, we purchased this before Christmas, but we needed a second guitar for the "bass" player of the house... or to have guitar wars, or whatever...

So we bought a new guitar, it is black and white. But because it looked so naked, I had to alter it...

2008-12-15T11:48:00.002-07:00

Here are the Christmas cards I did for our tech, Christina. I used the Cuttlebug Lace Tree embossing folder, and stickled the top and the snowflake in the center with Star Dust stickles, and the circles in Starry Night. I kinda like how they turned out.

I am still waiting for some supplies to play with some more Tim Holtz stuff, but may have to wait til after Christmas :)

But I am playing with some stuff similar to that too.. :)

Ode to Tim Holtz

2008-12-03T14:15:00.002-07:00

So, in honor of the tag I CASEd, I made up a little song, to be sung to the tune of
"Carol of the Bells"

(you may need to turn off my player at the bottom of the page to get the full effect)

I copied Tim
I copied Tim
I'm fond of him
I'm fond of him
I spent some grocery money.
My husband thought it was unfunny,
but I made a gorgeous tag
but I made a gorgeous tag.
I copied Tim
I'm fond of him
The tag was fun
Now my song's done.

OK, I never promised it would be great.. :) But here is the tag. It's not the same because I didn't have the right stamps. AND it was my first time working with glossy cardstock, so it was difficult to not have the stamp slide around a little.

Anyway, here it is:

MORE merriment!

2008-12-02T08:03:00.002-07:00

For crafters, anyway! A friend sent this link to our stamped yahoo group. LOVE it!

So if you didn't have a full plate for the holiday season already, here's some more fun stuff you can do! :)

http://laineysalteredego.typepad.com/

Happy Crafting!!

I'm not worthy!

2008-12-01T07:59:00.002-07:00

(said in my best Wayne's World voice while bowing with my arms over my head)

OK, those of you who don't know who Tim Holtz is, have you been living under a rock??

I LOVE this guy's work. (the fact that he's easy on the eyes is nice as well)

He is doing 12 tags of Christmas again, and here is the link for tag #1.

http://timholtz.typepad.com/my_weblog/

OH how I wish I had figured out how to make these links work in my blog! Courtney, HELP!

Anyway, this guy has more talent in his little finger than I have in my whole body, and it's not like I don't have a little bit, ya know?

This tag is absolutely gorgeous, and I want to make it! WHY do I not have the distress stickles yet??? Stickle whore that I am, I have a huge shelf of them, yet no distress stickles... I'm losing it!

Ok, I have a Christmas card order to finish today so I can work on my own stuff. How I wish I had that lamp post stamp, I would use it for my own Christmas cards...

I think it's official... I am a junkie. LOL
HAPPY post Thanksgiving Monday

More cards..

2008-11-28T21:02:00.002-07:00

Well, at least one more. I offered to be a swap angel. Basically what that means is when you sign up for a swap and for some reason, your swap doesn't get to the hostess, someone can step in and complete the swap for you.

Most online groups consider swap flaking an "unsubscribable" offense. Meaning you get booted from the group. Or at least probation. But anyway... This particular hostess is awesome, and last time we had someone flake, she made up that person's groups, and I hated for her to feel like she had to do that.

So I sent her a message telling her I'd do it. It was only six cards.

Autism Rears its ugly head

2008-11-24T17:45:00.002-07:00

Well... my 11 1/2 year old just had an ugly meltdown. I mean UGLY. He was trying to kick his tech, and trying to kick and head butt me. He's gotten so big I can't lift him, especially when he's fighting me like that.

It scares me a little. It scares me a lot, actually. What would I have done if I couldn't get him under control? What happens when he's 150 lbs instead of 75? What happens when he's taller than me?

It makes me very stressed. He is having less frequent melt-downs, but they are getting more and more ugly. I sure hope it continues to get better as time goes on, and that he doesn't keep getting more violent...

Asking the three lettered question:

2008-11-21T08:45:00.002-07:00

WTF???????????

OK, so while chatting w/ my posse this a.m. and stressing about paperwork I can't find...

My friend sent me this link, brought to you by 2Peas in a Bucket NSBR (non scrap book related) Board.

http://www.lulu.com/content/4956212

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????

AT what point while you're in the kitchen do you say to yourself, "Self, you know what I think this needs??? Some man milk. Let's get nekked!"

AND.. how the hell does he know that it's nutritious and delicious. Spoken like someone who's never tasted it. I mean, HONESTLY... what the hell???

NOT only does he want you to find someone to donate his, uh, Natural Harvest to your cooking, but he wants to CHARGE MONEY for the damn cookbook.

What's next? Care for a drink of pee lemonade?

How 'bout some lovely fluids in place of cottage cheese in your lasagna?

Fudge, perhaps?

OK, gotta go. Off to find recipes we can replace dairy w/ breast milk. Have a lactating friend who could use the money.

Mama said there'd be days like this...

2008-11-19T06:08:00.002-07:00

Actually, I don't remember if she really did or not. But I've had several in the last few weeks. I've been considering seriously whether or not to fall off the Coca Cola wagon. Hell, I've been considering falling off the big wagon. Anyway...

I am not sure what disturbs me more today, the fact that it is ten past six and I am awake and have BREAKFAST IN THE OVEN, or the fact that my son has been up since about 2:30 and isn't the least bit tired...

Maybe it's the fact that I'm up and breakfast is made and I actually considered exercise on top of that... or it might be a combination of all of the above. Regardless, here I am, with baked oatmeal in the oven for breakfast, and getting ready to make some bread. *sigh*

Suddenly I am very tired.. LOL But anyway, this last week has been difficult, to say the least. I am exhuasted emotionally, and I think I am getting sick. Stress has a tendency to do that. ANYWAY... Here's a website I've found lately in my quest for being cheap...

www.hillbillyhousewife.com

There are some GREAT recipes here, and how to feed a family of four on $45 a week. Don't freak out, there's not a lot of meat in that menu, but it's got some good stuff in it. We had the lentil chili last night for dinner, and it was pretty dang good. I've also made the home made biscuits, and the corn meal muffins. Good stuff. BTW, I DO NOT advocate making your own sanitary napkins (not that there's anything wrong with that) but I also don't have a monthly visitor anymore, and the thought of washing crap out for anyone else makes my stomach churn. Now, if we were on a tighter budget, I might rethink that, but... ewwww.. nevermind. I don't think I could ever do it.

Anyway, enjoy the site, and thanks to my friend April for finding it! I am loving it. I am even considering apron options... GULP...

Pervasive Developmental Disorder

2008-11-14T19:39:00.002-07:00

PDD. That was the diagnosis for my 6 year old daughter yesterday. Along with several others.

In other words, she's on the autism spectrum.

That's the very short version of a very long story. I'm exhausted. I am spent emotionally, physically and spiritually. I told my husband that I want to pray and tell God that whatever lesson I'm supposed to learn, to just let me know, and I'll get right on it!

I don't think it works that way, but I sure wouldn't mind trying. Anyway, I am numb, and can't think about it much more, so I am just giving myself some time over the weekend to let it sink in.

Tomorrow is a new day, right?

POST # 100!

2008-11-12T09:57:00.003-07:00

OK, So considering I've been blogging for over a year, I guess that's not that great... but whatever...

Anyway, I am having a crabby day today. I think it's the weather. YES, HONEY, I am using my stupid light box!

Anyway, I am feeling overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I have to do, so I just end up not doing anything, because I don't know where to start.

I am also getting sick, I think. Coughing like a mad woman this a.m. I am also currently waiting for the Kirby guys to come and pick up their vacuum. Shad has given me permission to go bitch on them if they give me any crap. Which today apparently will not be a problem for me...

Must be the full moon...

HOLY HUMP DAY!

2008-11-05T21:08:00.003-07:00

So, Lef T went out of town at O dark thirty this a.m. I just walked in the house about 40 minutes ago, five of my six children in tow, none of them had even eaten DINNER YET... LONG STORY.

So, I had 4 out of 5 parent teacher conferences tonight between the hours of 5 p.m and 7:30. Then I ran and dropped Jordan off at church (late). I am EXHAUSTED!!!

I will not go into the particulars of my day right this second, but it's been a HARD day for me... The highlight was going into a local scrapbook store in Boise that I hadn't been to in a while. I ran into a friend there, she was cropping with some of her friends, and they were so sweet to let me hang out and chat and learn some cool stuff! My birthday and Christmas lists have just expanded exponentially! (Sorry, honey!)

ANYWAY, they were so sweet, they treated me like I was one of them and not an outsider who just plopped myself down in the middle of them (which is exactly what I did!).

SO thanks guys! It was AWESOME! And it truly was the highlight of my day today! :)

Happy Sunday!

2008-10-26T16:20:00.002-06:00

Well, kids, it's Sunday again... and it's such a beautiful day! The sun is shining, the temperature is mild, and I am happy.

I have been thinking today about the blessings in my life, my awesome husband, my kids, my family, and my friends. I truly have been blessed so much. I just need to REMEMBER it and be glad.

I came to the realization that I don't think I really suffer any more than anyone else, so I need to just stop complaining about it and be grateful for what I DO have. Life is hard for everyone, and it's all in the attitude, right? So I am going to work on that. :)

Just my thoughts for the day. :)

Yes, it IS 1 a.m.

2008-10-25T01:13:00.002-06:00

Actually, it's quarter after. And I am just going to bed after putting some diamond glaze on some name tags. Did I mention I have over committed? AGAIN????

Did I also mention that my husband is going to be gone by about 7:45 a.m.?

So, I have been working for several days on a swap that I am trying to finish up, before I can even START the next one I signed up for. And while I was cutting out minute little flowers today for that swap, I realized I had nine name tags to make for an event at church tomorrow. No biggie, right? Yeah... except that I had to run to the office supply store to get badge holders for the name tags. And, I had to run and pick up a couple of items for a Halloween costume I am making. And attend a baby shower for my husband's cousin... This was all after I went to a neighbor's house this morning to make yogurt for a self reliance harvest party.

Did you know you can make your own yogurt? Yep. You can...

ANYWAY... knowing I don't do well without my 8 hours of sleep, and knowing I have to get up and take care of kids while putting the finishing touches on these name tags, AND finish up at least this one swap (and hopefully all three groups of my other plus the two for two swap that's now overdue) doesn't it make sense that I am sitting here to blog about it?????

I am apparently too tired to think clearly. GOOD NIGHT... :) (or should I say good morning?)

Day 1

2008-10-20T21:42:00.002-06:00

Of SparkPeople...

One of my goals is to journal every day. So here it is. Today, I blew it. I woke up feeling ok, got a WHOLE bunch of stuff done in the first hour and 15 minutes that I was up. And one of those things was cutting the boy child's hair with the clippers, which he hates, so I bribed him. I told him I would take him to Lilly Jane's cupcakes and get him a cupcake if he let me cut his hair. He was excited at this prospect, so he let me cut his hair. He did a GREAT Job, too. And then I bathed him, and when I was done showering myself and getting dressed, he told me he wanted to go to the donut store instead.

Fine by me, I didn't have the gas to go all the way into Eagle anyway...even though I really wanted a tasty cupcake... But, I digress...

So, I took him to DayBreak Donuts, and got him a chocolate glazed donut. And then got myself two chocolate iced chocolate cake donuts... UGH... I have NO willpower, have I mentioned that lately?

I also haven't lost a SINGLE pound since I quit drinking soda. SO, there you go. My drinking soda is CLEARLY not the reason I am a chubby girl. And I'm feeling a bit miffed that I've been stuck at this current weight since JUNE. It's almost NOVEMBER, and we're getting into my VERY sluggish season. So, chalk up day one as a BIG failure. ON to tomorrow.... I am going to eat cereal for breakfast BEFORE I walk out the door. In the hope that I won't be so hungry that I buy TWO dang donuts and eat them BOTH. Perhaps I will get on the bike tomorrow too... perhaps not... who knows... anyway, hoping tomorrow goes better than today. :)

Millions of peaches...

2008-09-27T20:49:00.002-06:00

peaches for free...

Millions of peaches are what it seems like I've canned today. Well, not me by myself. My mother-in-law, my friend, Frank, and my friend, Nej all helped. And thank goodness, because we started a little after 9 this morning. And I just finished washing the last dish, and it's 10 minutes to 9 p.m.

I am exhausted. We started with about 10 bushels of peaches, and we did 124 quarts of sliced peaches, (though we lost four in the cooking process) and we did 40 jars of jam so far. I still have about a bushel left at my house, well, maybe a bushel and a half is more like it. And Nej, Frank, and my MIL all took a bunch home. My MIL took about a bushel with her. With as exhausted as I am, though, I feel such a sense of accomplishment!

We worked hard, even my dh helped, and was SO sweet about it. And he took care of the kids while I worked, too. My ds, Big Red, helped us peel and even squished some of the really soft ripe ones for jam with his hands. He worked with us for a few hours. It was great!

We borrowed the camp stove from my MIL as well, so we could have two burners running outside, which helped a ton. We didn't turn the a/c on until about 4:30 or so, when it was about 77 degrees in the house.

Here's the other awesome thing. 10 bushels of peaches, we picked them off the trees in the church orchard yesterday. And the great thing? They really were free! The church had picked all they needed, and they were begging people to come and glean what was left. It's actually quite a shame, because there are SO many peaches left that they will NEVER be able to use them all.

Another interesting thing about it is, we had a very late frost this year, and there were several stakes that were asked to fast on a certain day for the crop, because the fear was that the frost had killed all the peaches that had started to grow. They were worried about even having enough to fill the needs of the church cannery. And not only were there plenty for that, there were plenty for us to go pick about 10 bushels in about 90 minutes, and there were STILL so many on the trees. It was amazing to see!

So, WHO says Heavenly Father doesn't hear and answer our prayers?

My child

2008-09-22T16:55:00.002-06:00

is a freak...

I realized this as I was video taping her while dh was helping her with her homework. She was complaining that she couldn't do it, and I sensed a meltdown, so I started videoing, and sure enough, the meltdown ensued, and is continuing as I type.

If I was any good at computer stuff, I'd load the thing on YouTube and you could see for yourself.

The good news is that Alex is starting to get a tiny bit better, so in five years....

*sigh*

the vacation is definitely over...

Kids are a pain

2008-09-17T20:35:00.003-06:00

sometimes.

Especially when you're playing single mom for the week.

I took Jordan to the church for her Wednesday night activities, and the plan was to be gone for 10 minutes. So I left Jared in charge of the little people, and asked Brenden to do his chore.

Now, keep in mind, that these are the two delinquents from YESTERDAY'S issues.

So, Jared did a great job! He even called me when he was having a problem, which I had forgotten to tell him to do. So I was pleased with that.

It wasn't until after I went to the bathroom when they all went to bed that I found out there was an issue.

First of all, I had to pee since I walked through the door from dropping Jordan off. But I was making sure lunches got made for tomorrow and that kids got the ice cream I promised them.

Then when they all finally finished that, we said prayers (a few minutes late) and I went upstairs to tuck them in. As soon as I got upstairs, the phone started ringing, and it was the primary president asking me some questions. So I finally got off the phone and then came downstairs and talked to Alex for a few minutes, before finally excusing myself to empty the bladder.

When I went in, the aroma of cat litter stung my nose. Brenden had not cleaned the bathroom. DANG IT! So I went upstairs to get him out of bed, and make him do it. Well, when I got upstairs, I heard someone crying. It was Jane.

I asked her what was wrong, and she said she was scared. When she tried to tell me why, I couldn't understand her because she had her hands in front of her mouth. Or so I thought.

She mumbles when she's upset, hell, she mumbles sometimes when she's not upset. So I had to ask her FOUR times AFTER she took her hands down from her mouth before I could finally understand her.

Guess what was wrong with her???? The music teacher, who is a shrew and should NOT be teaching children, told the kids that if they chew gum while they sing they could choke on it and would turn blue and die.

SHE'S a FREAKING FIRST GRADER. It took everything I had not to call the music teacher a stupid bitch in front of my six year old. I was LIVID. You shouldn't say that to ANY elementary aged kids, in my opinion. But whatever. So, I told Jane that it wasn't completely accurate, and I said, "you don't chew gum anyway, so don't worry about it."
And, she's still bawling and says, "but I did once, at home."
I said, "yes, but you weren't SINGING while you were chewing it, and you didn't choke on it and turn blue and die, did you?"
"no" sniff, sniff, sniff.
"Ok, so don't worry about it. You will be fine. If you were to choke on gum, you most likely would be able to swallow it anyway, so don't worry."
"Mommy, can I sleep in your bed?"
"No, baby, but Jo will be home soon. Just close your eyes and I will come and check on you in a bit."

I always do go check on her, and she's most always asleep by the time I do. And the reason I told this story is because I had to let you see how long it took. I figured Brenden would be asleep by now for SURE.

I opened the door to his room, and up pops his little head. Now, at this point, I am LIVID, but not so much at him as Shrew Bitch, so I had to use my energy to keep from screaming at him to get his ass downstairs and clean the bathroom.

Through clenched teeth I said, "Brenden, you need to go immediately downstairs and clean that bathroom, it hasn't even been TOUCHED."

He must have known I was upset, because he said, "yes, Sarah" in the meekest tone I've ever heard from him... So, he went down and did it. And I started a load of laundry and realized that they didn't sort the laundry like I'd asked either. SCREW it. In fifty years, is it going to matter???? NOPE.

So, I just decided to let it go for tonight and tomorrow, there will be a mom, sweetly standing over those kids with a spatula in hand making them do their work. I decided while sitting there that I am going to get the stupid chore charts done when I get home. That way, I could have just done the bathroom myself and he could lose his sticker for it. OH well, live and learn...

It's a full moon

2008-09-16T18:16:00.003-06:00

and you can sure tell it by the way my kids are behaving.

This morning started out with Autism Boy having a melt down over something. I can't even remember what anymore.

Then, his younger sister had a meltdown about not wanting to go to school for over an hour. It was absolutely insane.

Then, I had no energy to make the jelly I am supposed to make. I went out to buy cat food and wipes, since I was completely out. And while I was there, I bought fruit snacks. And thus the beginning of my issues.

First off, I bought some chicken that was about to expire, because it ends up being a buck off. So the short version of that story is that I dropped about $100 at Sam's club. Which began the whole self loathing/shame spiral thing, even though I didn't buy ANYTHING we didn't NEED.
So, I was already feeling crappy about myself, and then Mason started yelling at me about wanting a snack, etc.

I ignored him, but he just kept screaming, louder and longer. And then I hear the cat make a horrendous noise, and I go out, and sure enough, my worst fear has been realized. She yakked on the carpet. And while I was standing there looking at her, she rewarded me by doing it again. It's not nearly as funny in real life as it was in Shrek 2. In fact, it's not funny at all...

So, a few minutes later, the middle school children are home, and I ask our oldest to please get a baby wipe and clean up the cat puke. So, then what I get is a lot of complaint. "Why do I have to do it? Why can't Alex do it?" So, after a few minute of that, I decide it's just easier to do it myself. Which almost makes me vomit.

So about 45 minutes later, the other kids come home from the bus. They're all clamoring for a snack. So I send Middle Child out to the van to bring in the fruit snacks I'd purchased and left in the van. So they all have fruit snacks.

Fast forward an hour and a half. Jane is playing in the water in the bathroom, because heaven forbid she use the bathroom, wipe, wash her hands, and get out. OH NO. She's got to play in the water, and act like a big dork. So, I am waiting to use the facilities while she's in there playing. I finally tell her to turn the water off (more so I don't pee my pants than anything else) and she comes out.

I go in, have to wipe the seat off (HOW does this happen with girls?) and I sit down. While I am sitting there draining, I realize that behind the sink there are a BUNCH of fruit snack wrappers.

We have a pedestal sink, so it's basically a U shape behind it, and it's made a convenient hiding place for wrappers after Autism Boy has eaten stuff from the pantry or wherever without permission... So after I am finished, I pick up all the wrappers. THIRTEEN in all...

My first thought was Alex. But he couldn't have eaten that many. It had only been 10 minutes since his tech left, and there is NO way he could have gotten that many down without her catching him. But it had to have been him... right? That's totally his MO for sneaking food.

So I call him into the office and ask him why he did it, etc, and I know it was him because that's how he does it all the time. And his response was, "maybe I am sleepwalking while I do it"

WHATEVER... So I ask him, "Are there any left?"
and he tells me he's going to go check. So while he's doing that, I accuse Jane of taking them. Because SURELY it couldn't have been the boys. But she freaks out and tells me it wasn't her, and she's not lying to me, because she can't open them the way that they're open. And she's right. She can't... And then I hear someone go into the garage... and I asked Jared who it was. Jared told me it was Alex.

And then when I mentioned to him that I found these wrappers, he says, "are you serious?"
So Alex comes back in, and I said, "What were you doing out there buddy?"
And he said, "Jordan told me that the fruit snacks were in the van, but I can't find them."

So, in that instant I knew that it wasn't him. So, I ask Jordan to go get Brenden, and then I tell Jared not to leave. I bring them in and have them close the office door.

So, here's how the conversation goes :

Ok, guys. Which one of you took fruit snacks? Because you guys tried to make it look like Alex did it, but the fatal mistake was that he went looking for the box and doesn't know where it is. (thank goodness Alex can't lie to save his life)

So then I get, "well the two youngest kids take stuff sometimes"

And I said, "yeah, they do, but they can't open those packages, neither of them can. So which one of you was it?"

You know, as a parent, you think you're prepared for everything. I was SURE it was one of them. Once you have it figured out for the most part, you think you shouldn't be shocked by the admission of guilt. Until it comes. Such was this case, when Brenden was the first to speak.

"both of us"

SERIOUSLY???? I am not sure if my mouth dropped open or not, but it sure felt like it wanted to. I tried to remain stoic, but I'm not sure how good a job I did.

So, between the two of them, they ate 1/3 of the package. And I said, "First of all, that was your dinner. And secondly, you two will go up to the loft while we eat and discuss what your punishment will be. AND you will apologize to your brother, because you were going to let him take the fall for what you did. You did it purposefully to make it look like it was him so you wouldn't get in trouble. Would you like to trip an old lady with her walker, or take advantage of a mentally handicapped person while you're at it?"

Ok, so the last part may have been a little harsh, but I was SO shocked, I just didn't know what to say. And appalled...
So, I get dinner on the table while the guilty are upstairs. While I am putting it on, Jane starts shrieking that she doesn't like pot pie, and she wants a sandwich, etc. So I tell her FINE make a sandwich. We had just sat down to eat when Jordan's mom came over to get her for the school's open house/meet the teacher night.

So, I figured I'd bounce it off her, since Shad's not home and one of the offending party is her offspring. So I tell her that I told them that was dinner, etc, and that they were upstairs discussing their consequence, and I came back in and sat down. Alex said, "Hey mom, Jane got one of her pieces of toast stuck in the toaster, so I unplugged it, and got one of the squeezie things, you know, that you squeeze together to pick stuff up, and got it out for her."

"you mean the tongs?"

"yeah. I forgot what they were called"

I said, "Good thinking, buddy, thanks for unplugging it and doing it safely" and he said, "sure! The first time I used my finger, but then I grabbed the tongs and used them"

I said, "be careful, you could have burned yourself"

"I did."

WHAT????

" I burned my pointer finger a little, but it's a good thing it's my right hand" (he's a lefty... gotta love that autism logic, huh?)

So I looked at it and told him to put it under cold water while I get Mason some applesauce, since he won't eat pot pie either. Then he asks me if he should get some ice for it. I said, "yes, that's a good idea."

Jane says, "Well I need some ice too."

I said, "No you don't, Jane, just eat."

She starts bawling her head off. "But my thumb hurts really bad"

And I look at her and realize that SHE burned herself too.... UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So, the verdict is that the guilties will be doing Alex's chore this week in addition to their own, and the fruit snacks in question is their dinner. I thought I was tired before, but I am downright DEAD now...

BTW, did I mention that I'm single parenting this week???? I'm running away...

He said, she said...

2008-09-10T07:53:00.002-06:00

It was 7:07 a.m. My super hero, Autism Boy, came in my room and said, "Mom, Jordan just threw me on the ground."

I am trying to make this compute through my sleepy fog...

"what??????" I said...

"Jordan threw me on the ground for no reason" he repeated.

Now, if I wasn't just awakened from a dead sleep, I may have had the forethought to ask, "what were you doing?" but since such was not the case, I said, "go tell her I said to come here."

So, a minute later, Jordan comes up. "Yes?" she asks in her superior, pre-teen tone.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Well, Alex was squeezing the cat to death, and he was meowing like crazy and clawing at his shirt to get away, so I pulled him off"

"and you threw him on the ground"

"I didn't throw him on the ground, I pulled him off, and then I let go of him, and he fell on his back on the floor"

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

So, it's shaping up to be a great morning!

It's been 5 weeks

2008-09-01T11:11:00.002-06:00

and I am still off...

This morning we went to McDonalds (which is like going to a bar when your an alcoholic for me) to have breakfast. And it was hard, it was the first time I've been INSIDE a McDonalds since I quit drinking coke. But I did it. I had Hi-C Orange. I am doing better than I was. It's been a lot easier than the first 3 weeks. So that is my update.

I am hoping to be better about blogging, since the kids are back in school. So look for more from me soon! :)

28 Days

2008-08-24T14:52:00.002-06:00

So, I am an addict, for those of you who didn't know that. It started out with a drinking problem when I was 21. I would drink to get drunk so I could escape the raw pain I felt in my relationship. I realized, after going back to college with a buzz after a lunch break, that I had a serious problem. I ended up quitting without a formal treatment program, but it was still difficult and I had to learn to deal with my issues in other ways.

So, I turned to eating. I would eat to placate any bad feelings I had. I was OK for a short time, and I got married. I was married about 6 weeks when my mother-in-law came and told us that she was leaving my father in law, and that they were divorcing. My husband was devastated, and things were never the same. About six weeks later, I was thinking I'd made a huge mistake by marrying him, and while contemplating and praying about that, I discovered I was pregnant. About halfway into the pregnancy I started drinking Pepsi. I'd been SO sick, and had to have IVs several times, and someone suggested I drink cola to settle my stomach. Well, it got to the point where I craved it. And then I couldn't quit after he was born.

When I quit drinking, I'd had a nasty soda habit and it was when I quit drinking alcohol and Dr. Pepper, I got a horrible migraine. I never equated it to quitting my half gallon a day soda habit. So for three weeks, I was miserable. I finally went and saw my doctor, who went and grabbed me a Dr. Pepper out of his fridge and said, "DRINK that, and every time you start getting a headache, drink part of one. You can't just quit caffeine cold turkey."

So, I've been hooked on Coke off and on (but mostly on) for the last 11 years. I'd start to taper off and try to quit, and then I'd get really stressed and just think, "never mind, I can't do this. After this stress is over, then I will quit"

Well, it's gone on and on like that for years. And I finally figured out the critical thing... The stress is not going to stop. But I had to. So, I'd been thinking about it and trying to figure out how to do it, and not sure if I wanted to for real. But when I was talking to a couple in our church, the husband told me about how he was told to stay away from Coke when he was on his mission, and it was several times in the course of his mission that he heard this. And I just had this impression that it was time to stop for good.

I gave myself a day to gear up, and I decided to quit cold turkey after that. So, armed with Excedrin and a resolve to do it, I quit. It was so difficult to not drink Coke for the several days that followed. I was in the habit of going every morning and buying one from McDonald's. They have the best mix, ya know? And I wanted to leave the house and go get one every day. I was a huge witch. I was very short tempered, and downright mean sometimes.

I don't think there was a single day that went by in that first almost three weeks that I didn't want to just forget it and go have a Coke. Then, on the 20th day, something happened. My husband brought a coke home from McDonald's. And, I mean a BIG one. He was sitting there eating his lunch, and quick as a fox, I grabbed that coke, and had the straw to my mouth. But he was faster. He took it away before I could even close my lips around that straw.

I was instantly infuriated. I told him I hated him. And I went into my office and closed the door. Near tears. I was so upset. And then my son came in and told me that he hoped I got over this addiction to caffeine soon. And I began to feel better. And then something else happened. I'd been praying for three weeks to have the desire for Coke leave me, and it wasn't happening. I was beginning to feel desperate. I didn't wonder if God would help me, but I did start to wonder WHEN He'd help me. But in that few moments after my son came in and patted my shoulder, I felt it. The desire for coke was gone.

Could it be? I dared not hope. But the next morning came, and I still didn't care to have one. I was encouraged. Then the next morning, I still was OK! I was amazed. It had taken 3 weeks, but then suddenly, there it was! The answer I'd been praying for. Now, I won't tell you that I've gone a whole week without wanting one. Lef T was out of town last week, and the desire was strong a couple times, because of stress. But I was able to get through the week without any Coke. Which I think is probably a first. I am really thankful that he got that Coke from me before I had it. He's so awesome and supportive.

And I am glad that I can trust God's promises to answer prayers. He truly does hear us and answer our prayers. It doesn't necessarily mean it will be the answer we want or when we want. But He does answer us. I am appreciative of my mom who quit with me so I wouldn't feel like I was alone. That one act is what kept me from the McDonald's drive through on more than one occasion.

My point of this is that I can honestly sit and be grateful for the difficulty that this was. I never thought I'd be able to quit. And I couldn't have done it without my family and my Father in Heaven. I have several friends who don't believe in God. But I know He's there. I've felt His presence in my life and have felt that presence especially in the last few weeks. I look at this beautiful, diverse nation I live in, and have gratitude of that knowledge, because it keeps me focused on what I should be doing that is important. And I know that I am trying to do those things. Raising my kids, improving as a mom, being a better wife... Those are the things that matter to me. And those are the things that matter to my family too.

The first day of school

2008-08-20T16:37:00.002-06:00

was today. But for my sixth grade middle school child it was the first FULL day. They had a half day yesterday by themselves to get them used to the school before there were 7th and 8th graders there...

And Jordan accidentally slept through her alarm, so when I woke up at 6:50 and she was just getting out of the shower, I knew it was going to be nuts.

So I very calmly went into the bathroom and asked her what I could help her with, etc. and she was freaking out. I got her fairly calm before I told her to stop worrying and I would take her to school. So I took them to school, and got back in time to start trying to get the other kids out the door to the bus stop. I had been home less than five minutes before the phone rang.

It was the middle school, calling to tell me that Alex had thrown up. UGH..

What you have to understand here is that he's at the new middle school. The BRAND NEW middle school that just got finished last spring. And it was not even half way into first hour, so my kiddo has the inaugural vomit of the school. And not only that, but he didn't even make it out of the classroom....*sigh* Poor kid...

So I said I would be right there to pick him up. I sent my kids to the bus with my friend from the neighborhood, and went to pick up my son. We were about 10 feet from the driveway when he threw up in my van all over himself, and all over the seats, etc.

We got inside and I helped him peel off his shirt and we went upstairs where I had him get in the shower. I threw his stuff in the washer and got that going. Then I had him get in his jammies and get in bed. He fell asleep almost right away. I went and took a shower myself and then ran to the elementary school to take lunch to my daughter, who, on the first day of first grade forgot her backpack and her lunch.

So, after 1/2 an hour of passing out school supplies to my 3 elementary aged kids, I came home and checked on sleeping beauty. He was still out. He slept until 3:15 this afternoon. I am hoping he will be able to sleep tonight. Anyway, I am completely and utterly exhausted. I'd like to go to bed right now, but there are four hours til bed time. Hopefully tomorrow will be less eventful. :)

Why am I awake?

2008-08-18T06:45:00.002-06:00

I don't know.. it's a great question.. I wish I had an answer. I've been awake for a few of hours now.

I think it's because I woke up from a dream and then started thinking about everything I need to get accomplished, and couldn't go back to sleep. I put my iPod on and was listening to some quiet music, etc, but still couldn't go back to sleep, and my dh was a little restless, so I didn't want to wake him by playing solitaire on it. My click wheel is SO loud. Anyway, here I sit, without being able to really see, because I accidentally left my glasses upstairs on my night stand. OH WELL...

I guess the next time I have an episode of insomnia I should have an extra pair of glasses down here on my desk... Too bad I am not a candidate for lasik... Ok, so now that I've been up for 3 hours I am tired... I guess now that the sun is coming up, I will go back to bed. Geez, what am I, a vampire? UGH....

Kids say the darndest things

2008-08-10T11:08:00.002-06:00

So, a week or so ago, we took the kids to Denny's for dinner because I'd been watching my nephew all day and was really stressed out, and when we dropped him off, we were all starving, and my blood sugar had reached a critical level that turns me into a witch... Anyway, I digress...

So, we were sitting in Denny's getting ready to order, when Mason, well, broke wind....

And I looked at him, and said, "Mason, what do you say??"

and his almost four year old response, " But, Mom, it wasn't my mouth that burped, it was my body."

It was through a great amount of laughter that I told him I knew where the sound came from, and it still needed to be "excused".

So, today, Mason turns 4. And I was making his birthday cake, because the grocery store didn't have one. Not a SINGLE cake... GRRRR.... but again, I digress...

So, I am using the electric mixer to mix this doctored up cake mix (thanks, Nej, for the Cake Doctor cook book, I've had it forever, and I'm still using it) and Mason asks if he can lick the spoon.

I've always let my kids lick the bowls, etc when it's been frosting, or something without raw egg in it. But I felt bad, because I am using *gasp* frosting from a can, so I told him he could lick the beater when I was done.

He smiled and said, "thanks Mom! When do I get to lick the beaver?"

My husband and I about fell on the floor laughing and my husband said, "Hello, Freud!"

UGH... My poor kids... is there any wonder why there will be a need for therapy for every single one of them?????

Happy Birthday, Mason! I can't believe my baby is FOUR!!!

Are you sitting down?

2008-07-27T15:13:00.006-06:00

Because I scrapped!!! It's been like 15 months since I actually scrapped any pictures, and while they're not my own pictures right now, they're pictures on a page! WHOO HOO!

<---- this is the cover

this is the first page... I left a spot for journaling.

These are the next two pages, but below they are actually reversed from what they are in the book. So, these are the pages I've finished so far. :)

I love my family!

2008-07-26T15:09:00.003-06:00

I really do. I know you're all waiting for the "but", aren't you? There isn't one! Surprise!! I really do love my family and my kids, and sometimes it surprises even me!! I just know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, raising my kids... And working on doing it better every day.

There you have it. I was looking at my kids in the picture I posted on my blog and just realizing how great they are! Because they REALLY are... :) It makes me happy.

Here's a good lookin crew!

2008-07-24T21:56:00.002-06:00

Check these guys out!!!

It's been a while since we had family pictures taken. A little over two years. So this year when we had all of Shad's brothers and sisters together, we all went to Catherine Albertson Park and had professional pictures taken. Here is the best one of our family! Check it out, everyone is looking and smiling, no one has their eyes closed.... It's amazing!!! I am surprised. The only unfortunate thing is there were no props for short kids, so there's a fat knee right in front next to my daughter's head... Oh well... last year at this time it would have been 20 lbs fatter, so....

Hopefully next year, it will be 20 lbs lighter still... hmmm... maybe another two weeks at my mom's is in order??? :)

Panic....

2008-07-09T22:06:00.003-06:00

That's what I felt when I found out I didn't get this job I interviewed for.

We finally found my crappy sperm donor ex husband. Well, at least his place of employment. And now what? you ask....

well, now NOTHING. Because I don't happen to have $3K lying around to retain the attorney.

Say nothing about the fact that he owes me about $25K in back child support. I'd gladly let the attorney have every penny of it if the court terminates his stupid rights.

I think Keanu Reeves' character put it best in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure when he said, "You have to have a license to fish. You have to have a license to drive a car. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."

Ain't it the truth? Ain't it the truth....

Hospitals

2008-06-15T15:36:00.002-06:00

are not a place to get sleep!

Friday evening, my husband and I went out with another couple to dinner. The other couple had to pick up one of their sons from a birthday party at 9 p.m. My parents were watching the kids, plus an extra that I'd taken on for the week.

We went out, and had a great time, and had a great dinner! When we got home, it was almost 8:45. My oldest son has been allowed to start staying up until 9, since he will be starting middle school in the fall.

I asked him if he took his medicine, and he said, "Yeah. I couldn't find the 400 mg stuff, so I took 2 two hundred mg pills."

WHAT??????????

He doesn't have any 200 mg pills in this particular medication, which means he took 400 mg of wellbutrin SR. SHOOT. He had told my mom that he couldn't find his bedtime medication, and she told him we'd be back before 9, so he just needed to wait til we got home. He thought he was being helpful. To him, it made perfect sense. He just took a couple 200 mg tabs, because 200 and 200 is 400. Unfortunately, it wasn't the right medication.

So, we called the nurse line, and then they called poison control, and then we took him to the ER. The ER doctor listened to what happened and said we could take him home, until he found out the medication he hadn't taken (and wasn't going to be allowed to take at this point) is one that he has withdrawal symptoms when he misses. He said, "we're getting him a bed"

So, he had a bit of tachycardia, (fast heart rate) and his breathing rate was very elevated at some points. But their main worry was seizures, and in that regard he was ok. They kept him on a heart monitor to keep track of his vitals. Anyway, by the time they got a room for him and got us all settled in, it was after 1 a.m.

Alex went to sleep, but I was up until after 2 a.m. listening to the monitor alarm when his respiration rate when above 30 per minute, which was pretty often at first. Then, he woke me up at 5 a.m. vomiting, which is what he does when he has withdrawal from the bedtime medication.

The nurse called the doctor right away, and they gave him some Zofran for the nausea, but it didn't help, and he threw up again, conveniently about 15 minutes after they'd given him a half dose of Seroquel (which is his bedtime med)

He continued to throw up, and at about 9 the nurse gave him a different medication for nausea. Then at about 9:20, he threw up again. At 9:30, the nurse brought him another 200 mg of Seroquel to see if they could get enough in his system to get him through til he could take it again that night and get him to stop throwing up.

We told him how to breathe and to try and get through a half an hour without throwing up again. He was so tough and brave! He breathed and breathed, and blew like a lamaze champ! And it worked! Five minutes later, he asked, "has it been 20 minutes yet?" The poor kids was just MISERABLE.

He just kept breathing and panting, and watching Animal Planet. After the show we'd turned on for him to get his mind off feeling nauseated was over, I noticed he was getting kind of loopy. I asked him if he was tired, and he said he was. I got him to lie down and close his eyes.

He lay there with his eyes closed, and kept blowing and breathing through his nausea. He would start falling asleep and relaxing, and then he would kind of jump, and start panting again. Eventually, he fell asleep, and we knew we'd be ok. The nurse told me it took about 90 minutes to be in his system fully, so if he kept it down until 11 a.m., that would be ideal. And he did. He slept. Then around 12, the nurse came and woke him up, and got him to tell her where he was, what month it was, etc. And then he ate! And it stayed down!

So we hung out for about 20 minutes or so after he ate, because they wanted to make sure he didn't throw up again, and then he got discharged. We left for home a little after 1 p.m.

I am still tired today, I got 3 hours of sleep that night, and about 8 last night, but still felt like I could have used more. But he's ok! And that was what was most important to me.

I am so blessed to have a husband who not only has the ability to give blessings, but also GIVES them. He and my dad gave my little boy a blessing that he would be fine, and that he would come through this with no ill effects, and he did. It could have been SO much worse. I am grateful that it wasn't, and that we came through it virtually unscathed.

And, now we know that we need to work on Alex's administration of prescription drugs. He needs to learn how to read the labels, and what the pills look like, etc. Lesson learned!

Happy Anniversary to me!

2008-06-13T15:21:00.003-06:00

so, check out what I got for my anniversary! (yeah, it's early by a week or so, but who's counting?? LOL)

My dh ROCKS! I saw this ring when I'd gone in to have my ring cleaned, etc. and I fell in love with it! And, luckily my awesome husband agreed that I should have it! :)

So, my ring was the engagment ring, which has a .5 carat princess cut diamond and two small round diamonds on either side. The wedding band is a 2mm plain white gold band.

And this is what my gorgeous new anniversary band looks like!

The Alarm WORKS!

2008-06-05T08:25:00.003-06:00

How do I know? I'll tell ya!

A few months ago, we were given alarm equipment for free with free installation. We only had to pay the monthly fee. I think we may have signed a service agreement as well, but I can't remember for sure. But anyway... I digress.

We set the alarm every night when we go to bed. Fine. Lef T leaves fairly early in the a.m. usually, so it's off by the time anyone goes to let the dog out. Yesterday was the last day of school for all the kids in our district. And, it just so happens that Lef T worked a 12 hour day yesterday, so he took the opportunity to sleep in just a little.

Well, at 6:50 a.m. our phone starts ringing, and it's toll free. I was pretty cranked, considering that telemarketers aren't supposed to call before 8 a.m. So, I picked up the phone and listened to see if there were messages. There were, so I called voice mail. No message from today, just a few from yesterday that I'd forgotten to check when I got home from running errands. Anyway... So, suddenly, I hear our dog barking, and it's not her normal, high-pitched "pay attention to me" or, "I need to go pee" bark. So, I look at Lef T, who conveniently NEVER freakin wears pajamas, and I roll my eyes and go down to see what's going on with the dog.

I go downstairs and I am greeted by a strange beeping I've never heard before, and a VERY strong pounding on my front door. Instantly, the light bulb goes on! The alarm had been set off.

So, I am yelling at my kids as I am running to the front door to let the officer know we are fine.
I am standing there in my pjs and apologizing profusely to the fine officer who has come to make sure we are ok. I said, "OH my gosh, I heard the dog barking and couldn't figure out why, and she must have heard you knocking."
His response, " Actually, I have an officer in your back yard."

HOLY CRAP.

So I explained to them that the alarm had been set off by my son w/ autism. I said, "you know, usually it's been turned off by now because my husband and oldest are up and out the door, but yesterday was the last day of school, and my kiddo didn't think the he needed to check the panel before he let the dog out."

So he asked how long we'd had the system, and said that next time they'd go ahead and have us fill out a false alarm report. Which, by the way, they charge for! Which is fine, they should! But that was how this lovely Thursday began for me. Turns out it was the alarm company that called, and it just showed up as a toll free number. LOL Guess we should have answered. We could have saved a couple of officers a trip! UGH!!!!!!!!

And, after they left, the alarm company came over the panel asking for my name and password and asking if everything was ok. I will tell you that thank goodness for a QUICK response from them and our local PD. And thankfully, it was a false alarm, but it's good to know that had it not been, they were here so fast and checking into it. I am pretty darn sure that had I not gotten downstairs when I did, we'd be purchasing a new front door today.

And the other thing that scared me a little was that the dog was barking like mad at the officer in our yard. And it scares me to think what would have happened had she advanced on him. ACK! Thank God this did not go tragic on us, and I have definitely slept a little better at night knowing that the alarm system was in place. I know I will sleep even better now that I've seen it in action!

Here's to happy endings!
W

It will help me immensely

2008-06-01T16:17:00.003-06:00

if certain people with whom I co-parent would not bitch about me in front of the children. Or about their father.

Here's a NEWS FLASH.

YOU LEFT to pursue your homosexual love interest. Good for you. Whatever. YOU also chose to let HIM have home base custody of the kids with you having weekend visitation. That was YOUR choice so you could go live in her double wide mobile home which currently has no freakin OVEN. WHATEVER. Also YOUR choice.

But, don't come talk to me about the boy child's pants being missing. Because you know what? he didn't come home NAKED. He wore clothes home. So if he wore pants over here from there and it's that big a deal to you, make him change before he comes home. AND, if he did wear the pants over here, that means a pair of OUR pants are there. SO WHO CARES????

Do you know how many pairs of socks our daughter has left over there? Some of them are MINE. Have I ever said a WORD to you about it? NO. Because you know what? She has socks on. Does it really matter which house they came from or who purchased them???? GIVE ME A BREAK. Please, sew labels in their clothing if it's such a big deal, or SHUT THE HELL UP. Oh, I forgot, you're both butch and neither of you sew. Or clean, for that matter. I find it interesting that every time a pair of pants goes missing, YOU find them in your sty a couple weeks later, yet I never get an apology.

Not only that, but shut up about the nutritional value of cereal. Both of you are obese heiffers, so I find it humerous that you will both bitch and moan about how unhealthy I am. Hmmm... when was the last time I was unexpectedly in the hospital??? Hmm, that would have been five years ago for an emergency appendectomy. How bout YOU? a year ago? Maybe?

And, I'd love to be able to have my kids for a weekend, while someone else takes care of them for FREE while I work two jobs during the week. It must be nice to have dual income and practically no kids. Know what it costs to pay for daycare these days? About $115 per week per child. How much do you pay in child support? $290. For TWO kids. Incidentally, my husband saved you $400 filing fee to change it by writing you a check back every month for $87. Sounds like a jack ass alright. I can see why your trailer living lesbian lover had so much appeal for you.

Gee, and thanks for your concern for my child w/ autism. I'm so glad the two of you are such fit parents that you have a 12 year old girl and an almost 9 year old boy sharing a bedroom. You should be worried about my child, since you clearly have such a good handle on your own lives that you would forego fixing your fucking oven to fly out to San Diego to take the kids to Sea World. Hmm... how much healthy cooking can you really do in the microwave/toaster oven????

My point here is this.... You have five days a week to bitch and moan about me and the father of your children. Five days when they aren't there. SHUT THE HELL UP when they are there. I will gladly let you take them during the week so we can be the disneyland parents for a while. Must be nice. I don't talk smack about you to the kids all week, the least you could do is shut up for the weekend. I have kids here who don't have contact with the other parent, so a 9 year old inciting issues in our family by complaining about the lack of fun stuff they get to do is really not helpful. If you cared about these kids at all you wouldn't be so disrespectful about their other set of parents. Especially when that set of parents is primarily responsible for the care of the children in question. How nice that you have "free" childcare that you can then bad mouth.

Hope you have the money saved to pay for their therapy when they are older because of how much you've screwed them up. Oh, that money will probably finally fix the oven, huh?

The joys of motherhood

2008-05-27T13:56:00.003-06:00

are often few and far between. But this is the exchange that took place between my son Mason (almost 4) and my daughter, Jane (almost 6).

Jane: "Mason, look, I made you something."

This something she made was a "card" on an 8.5x11 sheet of paper. Blue paper that my MIL gave us for them to draw on, make paper airplanes out of, whatever.

It was folded in 3rds. And she said, "Open it."

Mason: "Jane! You did a good job on this! Is this for ME?"

Jane: "Yes, I made it for you."

Mason: "Wow, Jane. It's really great! Did you make this for me?"

Jane: "Yes, Mason, it's for you."

Mason: "Jane, this is really good work! I am SO proud of you!"

Jane: "Thanks, Mason."

This was the exchange between my two youngest children today in the van after we got Jane from the bus stop. It was SO sweet and sincere. And it doesn't happen that often. So, I wanted to write it down before I forgot. :)

Cupcakes anyone?

2008-05-25T19:27:00.003-06:00

I know I've said it before, but I must say it again.

Lilly Jane's cupcakes ROCK.

I took a few friends in there on Saturday during a scrapbook retreat. To try the Hannahbelle. I met Hannah that day. I'd seen her before (several times) but didn't know what her name was. In fact there was only one girl there I HADN'T seen before... Anyway...

You have just a few days left. Hannahbelle is the flavor of the month for May. In simpler terms, it is a raspberry pink champagne cupcake with a raspberry cream cheese frosting. YUM!

So, their website has all the details: http://www.lillyjanescupcakes.com/

But in their store is where the truth is: It said, "you can almost taste the bubbles"

Now, I have never had champagne. I have had wine, and occasionally I still cook with it. But never had champagne. But I have to say that this cupcake is to DIE for. Seriously.

I have always been a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting kind of gal. Especially when LJ's came out with their "hot chocolate"frosting. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. It's actually a whipped Italian butter cream made with a simple syrup base, as opposed to the heavy butter cream that adorns a lot of their creations. So, you know how every once in a while you will get that PERFECT cup of cocoa that has the whipped cream that's kind of melted into it and cooled it down a little while making it even creamier tasting? Well, imagine that in a frosting form on top of a moist, delicious, chocolate cupcake. Good, huh?

I am not typically a fruit on cake person. Don't like fruit in ice cream or shakes either. I love fruit, so don't get me wrong, here. I just don't usually like it on cake, or in cake. Or ice cream. But anyway, I went into LJ's because I was on my way to pick up a card swap from a friend who was in Eagle. And pick up a stereo from her for another friend who was moving. So, I decided since I was going to be driving right by, it would be the perfect time to stop. I went in and bought two cupcakes. I was planning on buying one, but when I saw these Hannahbelles, I was VERY intrigued. Mostly I was intrigued by the description about you being almost able to taste the bubbles. And I thought, "you know, I love raspberries, and my understanding about champagne is that it's not too sweet, and I definitely love it in the Teuscher truffles my dh brings me when he is near a shop, so... I am going to try these!"

So, I bought one. Now, I also bought a caramel apple cupcake, which I've had before and is also one of my favorites... It has also been voted one of America's best cupcakes by AOL. So, I started with the Hannahbelle, because I was worried I may not like it, and wanted to have the yummy caramel apple to fall back on.

Silly SILLY W! I practically shrieked with delight over this delicious (and STILL WARM) cupcake. I am pretty sure that I'm going to hell for the lusty thoughts I've had over this perfectly portioned piece of heaven. The funniest piece of irony here is that I actually was disappointed to have to have the caramel apple cupcake after this. Because THAT was the one I'd bought to console myself had there been disappointment over the Hannahbelle. So, the following week when I had to go in to Eagle (ok, I didn't HAVE to go, but I wanted to) I stopped again. And I bought 6 of the Hannahbelles. I ate 3 of them. I had to give the rest to my friend Frank to save me from myself or I'd have eaten the whole half dozen. I was planning on giving her one anyway.

I WAS! Anyway, GO! GO TO LILLY JANE'S. You can special order them, but otherwise, they will be gone after the 31st of May. Who knows when they will be back??? GO TRY ONE! TODAY!

And, enjoy it. But please, enjoy it responsibly. Don't eat it while driving in your vehicle. You may eat while riding in someone else's vehicle, but until you know how you will respond to the Hannahbelle, it is recommended that you use caution when driving or operating heavy machinery.

Card Candy, anyone?

2008-05-18T22:27:00.007-06:00

OK, if you are in one of my card candy groups, and you don't want a spoiler, DON'T LOOK!

So, the one with four pieces of card candy now has five.

My friend Nej suggested a hot pink VW Bug charm done on shrinky dink. Well, I was too lazy and tired to take a picture of them, and they turned out darker than planned. I forgot to account that shrinkage makes the colors darker.

Sadly, mine didn't make it, but the other gals in the group will get them... WHOO HOO.

Anyway... Here is my card candy.

Group 2

What you can't tell from this picture is that the frogs, snail and dragonfly have diamond glaze on the eyes for a 3D effect. I also used a Sakura Stardust pen for the wings of the dragonfly, and the legs on the frogs with an overlay with Sakura Glaze pens. This enabled me to keep the glittery effect from the Stardust pen without the mess (the glitter rubs off onto fingertips and whatever else it touches). It also allowed me to change the color slightly, which I really loved. I used just a plain glaze pen on the snail body.

Group 3

This is the one that I was talking about when I said there is now a 5th piece of candy. It's a little VW Bug drawn on shrink plastic, and then shrunk. They turned out cute, but it's late, and I've been in my girl cave all day, and I am ready to go to bed and not dream about card candy anymore. I seriously have been dreaming about these. UGH. So, anyway, maybe tomorrow I will take a picture of the car charms... and then again, maybe not... :)

Group 5

This was done mostly with glaze pens and stamps. The sun is stamped in yellow with a yellow glaze pen edging. I used a button in the center tied with a pale yellow fiber.

The piece with multiple drinks are all colored with glaze pens in different colors. I then punched a hole with my ribbon thread punch and put yellow ribbon through it before backing it on the pink cardstock.

The drink with the umbrella is quite interesting. It looks like the glass is "sweating" due to the clear embossing powder on it. I then colored over the blue umbrella with a clear glaze pen. It didn't look quite complete to me, so I used my watercolor brush in SU! Bordering Blue to create a "puddle" under the glass, which I then covered over with the clear glaze pen.

The sand castle was stamped with VersaMark and I then used Yellow Ochre embossing powder on it. I heated it with a heat tool, and the finished effect was a sort of "sandy" look. I found out while working on this swap that I can't emboss worth crap.

Group 6

So, this one was done with the SU set Eat Cake. I LOVE this set, because, well, I am a cake whore. I did add the quote about so many candles, so little cake, because it is true, and because the stamp I have with that on it is an ugly font, and I didn't want to use it. So, I printed it on my computer. The red for the happy birthday didn't turn out as dark as I would have liked, but I tried to emboss, and it turned out looking like sh**. SO, I scrapped that idea. Can you believe I don't have a SINGLE red stamp pad?? I can't either, but it's true. I need one. Anyway. Notice on that happy birthday piece the tiny tag with the red ribbon in the corner. It says eat cake! Isn't that CUTE??? I LOVE how that turned out. Paper pieced the cake, and used stickles on the candle tips. The base of the cake is also paper pieced, and let me tell you what a pain in the butt that was. This set is NOT symmetrical, so it's not like you can stamp on the back of the paper and cut it out. I used a metallic silver from DCWV metallic stack, stamped in black Staz On, cut that out, and then turned it over and traced on the back side of the silver paper. Then I cut them out and ran them through my Xyron X (which I call the X Box) and also put the cake pieces through. Then I stamped the cake image in black on white cardstock, and my friend Jenalih stuck them on while I was doing something else... what was I doing??? I can't even remember now... Anyway. Here they are... This is what I've been doing in my girl cave for the last 72 hours... Sad thing is, I was mostly done with two of the groups before I started. Now to the post office! :D

Recently

2008-05-18T12:34:00.003-06:00

I purchased a little wood painted sign for my bathroom that says, "My aim is to keep this bathroom clean. Your aim will help"

Perhaps it should say, "Your aim is NOT helping." Or your lack of aim... UGH...

I just went in to use my bathroom. And I lifted the lid, and there was pee all over the seat.

SERIOUSLY??????

EWW.

I wonder if there is a way to electrify the seat so that if they pee on it, it will deliver a small reminder...

Thank goodness I've trained myself to look before I sit.

Shaped cards...

2008-05-14T19:00:00.006-06:00

OK, I can't remember if I posted the first two or not, so here they are together.

My three groups for the shaped card swap on Card Cafe group.

The cake slice and cupcake are similar to what I'd done before, but a little different. Enjoy :)

Today is

2008-05-11T21:24:00.005-06:00

Mother's day... and my MIL said she wanted us to take the money we would have spent on a gift, and use it to buy food storage instead. So... we did the next best thing. Made her a gift from stuff we already had. :)

So... I am going to show it to you. I am also going to say that we are going to buy something for our food storage too. Just as soon as we get some stimulus money. :)

So, this started out as an ordinary 12 x 12 floor tile. It was a plain, kind of beige colored ceramic tile. Add Tim Holtz Adirondack Alcohol ink! First, I dribbled a bunch of ink on the tile directly from the bottle, and spread it out with a foam paint brush. Then I used the applicator and just dabbed over it a bunch of times. Cut some white vinyl with my cutter, and after a severe amount of painstaking effort and swearing, I finished it at their house. It was mostly done. I just had to mod podge over the top to give it kind of a glossy look. So, here it is. I like it so much, I think I will do it for myself. :)

I'm a mom...

2008-05-08T21:13:00.003-06:00

And today, I am a mom in mourning... As I listen to the feet running on the floor upstairs, I am painfully aware of the pair that is missing.

Yes. There are 12 feet in this house that belong to children. And yes, even with those feet that can sound louder than the stampede of elephants, I hear the silence of the missing ones.

A beautiful child of seven is what Monday would have brought. A party with grandparents, and Barbies and birthday cake.

The problem is, if you have ever been pregnant, you know the things you wonder about. Whose eyes will the baby have? Whose nose? What will she look like? And when you deliver a stillborn, you can see those features as they are, but then you can only speculate from there...

What color would her eyes have been? Her hair? Blonde? Brown? Curly? Straight? Would she have walked and talked early? Or Late?

I spent a LOT of years being angry at God for taking her away from me. It was only the last few that I've been able to let go of that, and realize it may have been the catalyst for change. He knew I needed to be somewhere else... and that is what it took to make me know it, too.

I will never forget lying there in a delivery suite while a nurse looked at my baby on ultrasound. It was nothing new, really, since she was my 3rd baby, and there had been complications, so I'd had ultrasounds twice a week for the last 7 weeks or so... They were supposed to induce me the Monday before this. And here I was, because I hadn't felt the baby move... And there with me was my mom, and my friend who is more like a sister, and the nurse. And she was looking for the heart. She found it. Perfect, tiny, four chambered heart... It looked exactly the same as every other time I had seen it from the time I was 10 weeks along, except for one thing...

This time, it was still.

I can't remember if there was an audible gasp by me or my friend, but we caught each others' eyes. She wasn't sure if I'd seen what she'd just seen. She asked, "What?"
and I said, "Nothing."
My mom said, "what are we looking at? I can't tell what we're looking at!"
And I couldn't bear to tell her that we both had just seen my baby's heart not beating. "Mom, I don't know either," was all I could muster. And the nurse then said, "I can't tell what I am looking at, let me get another nurse in here to take a look."

And she left the room...

Now, a nurse can't tell you that your baby has died. A doctor has to. And my OB/GYN was out of town on a camping trip. So, the other nurse came in and scanned, and sort of told us that she didn't know for sure, but that it didn't look good. What more could she say?

And then the doctor on call came in. I'd never met her before. I can't even remember her name. She was about to go off call, and she probably wished I'd come an hour later. And she came in, and did a third ultrasound.

"I'm so sorry."

I hardly heard anything after that, until I was told that I could go home and "let nature take it's course".

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????

I guess some people do choose that... I wanted a c-section. But she told me no. She told me, you don't want to have a c-section and then go home without a baby. I was so angry with her when she said that. What did she know? I know what I wanted, and it was to get that baby out right away so I could have as much time with her as possible, since it was going to be short. I knew what happens to babies when they are left in the womb after they have died, and it is NOT pretty. I also knew the last time I could definitively say I'd felt her move was around 3 a.m. that morning. It was now almost 11 p.m. So we were already going on close to 24 hours. And damn them for not inducing me the night before when I'd been there BEGGING them to, and she was still alive. I still think that somehow I knew there was something wrong, and that's why I was so desperate for them to induce. But of course, they didn't. My cervix wasn't ready, they said.
And 24 hours, it was no different. But induce they did...

18 hours later, I gave birth to a perfectly beautiful little girl. 8 lbs 8 oz. She had the same mousey brown hair as her brothers. She was perfect. Except she was gone. My heart was broken. Sometimes it still is.

That day was a Saturday. The following day was Mother's day.

This year, Mother's day is this Sunday. Monday would have been her birthday. We will probably have a small cake with just our immediate family. I will cry. I may let off some balloons. Some years I have, some, I haven't.

But, I am a mom in mourning. And when I say I have six kids, it isn't because I've forgotten, or because I am trying to forget. It's because I don't share my angel with just anyone. Some people don't get the right to know about her.

So, when you are thinking of your mothers this weekend, remember that there are mothers, like me, who are missing someone. We have empty arms. We ache for them to be filled. And we could have a hundred more babies and still not be able to get rid of the hurt. Remember us, too, and say a little prayer for us. Yours might be the one that gets me through.

Birthday cards

2008-05-02T19:29:00.004-06:00

So, I hosted a birthday card on the Stamped group I am on. Here are my cards. The first one, I LOVE, and apparently it sapped my creativity, because the other two are SNOOZEVILLE. OH well. They are done, and they are ok. On to my shaped card swap for Card Cafe. :) I am doing a piece of cake, a cupcake, and a frog. I know... original... but they are different than my last ones. So, there you have it. I am working on it. And after the frog cards, Card Candy... I am SCARED to death about that one, but it should be fun, and will force me to come out of my box a little.

Fear...

2008-04-28T12:55:00.004-06:00

I don't necessarily think that it's healthy, but I feel it. I feel it often. And I am feeling it now...

Lef T got a job offer. It's an amazing offer. And he's taking it. But it scares the hell out of me. For the five years we have been married, his schedule has been 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. with the ability to work from home when needed. And now... well... it's going to be sort of not the same. And the probability of traveling a couple times a month is high. It scares me. I know it will be ok, and at this point, it makes no difference because he's resigned from his current position. So, here goes.

It's ok for me to be scared about this. But, you know, I have an alarm system, and a big dog, and she has no trouble growling at people who make her uncomfortable. It's a good thing I have a leash for her in my room. Because she will be sleeping in my room when Lef T is gone. So, here's to change, hopefully for the better. I hate change. But it will be worth it if he doesn't wake up in the morning dreading going to work. Here's hoping it will be good.

yeah...

2008-04-26T19:31:00.003-06:00

I am imperfect. It sucks. I am not happy about it. But, it's life. What I'm not, however, is a schemer. You know, I am blunt, and I can be offensive. But I don't purposefully hurt others. And I definitely don't plan it and bring others in on it.

Need I remind you that I have plenty of drama all on my own, without any help of anyone outside my own family? Let's see... my sister is in the beginning of what looks like it will be a nasty divorce. My husband is in the middle of a job change. I have a child with autism, another child who hasn't yet been diagnosed who will also be repeating kindergarten, a preteen daughter with a chip the size of the state of Texas on her shoulder, a son who wouldn't know the truth if it bit him on the ass, and a son with adhd. That's on top of my OWN bi-polar disorder, addictive/compulsive behaviors, medication issues, perfectionism and guilt.

DO I LOOK LIKE I NEED ANYMORE FRICKIN DRAMA????????????

THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION IS:

HELL NO.

Ok. Now that we have that out of the way...

I told my dh yesterday that I was taking our stimulus package money and running away to a white sand beach somewhere. Don't know or care where. Hmmm... perhaps this is the time to go to Mexico. UGH, WHY didn't I get that Rosetta Stone program to learn Spanish...

WHY didn't my husband TEACH me Spanish??? I will be walking around with my English to Spanish dictionary and a bad accent, and hope I don't get arrested. My understanding of the Central American justice system is not pretty. Though I have to say my experience with the Canyon Co. justice system was... disappointing... to say the least.

Anyway... It has come to my attention this week that I get angry. A LOT. And before you say, "DUH, you are just now figuring this out?" I will explain.

I have known I get angry. And, part of it is the bipolar. Part of it. But a BIG part of it is I have trained myself to feel angry, because I don't have to feel hurt, sad, etc. Anger is "safe". Anger doesn't hurt. Anger is empowering. I know life is not fair. If life were fair, I'd have met my dh before he met his former wife, and before I met my former husband.

If life were fair, I'd have a daughter's birthday to celebrate in 2 weeks, as opposed to a balloon release and a cake with no one but our family (not even grandparents) here. And I would have her near me instead of a cemetary in another state.

Yep. Life's not fair. In fact, sometimes, it's downright shitty. And you know what? You can sit around and mope and whine and bitch about everything that happens to you. OR, you can get off your ass, work like hell to make the best of the curve balls you're thrown, and move on. Sometimes I get stuck in the mopey, whiney, bitchy cycle. I try not to. But, I'm human. So, you know... I can beat the hell out of myself daily for not being the perfect wife, mother, Christian, (yes, Mormons are Christians) sister, friend, scrapper, stamper, cardmaker, etc.

OR, I can say, "you know what? That didn't turn out as I'd hoped. Well, crap. We'll have to try it again," and move on. I will never be perfect. I will never be politically correct. I will never have all the answers. And the answers I have may not always be right. There will be people who seem to come out on top all the time, no matter what lies they tell, what child support they don't pay, what abuse others suffer at their hands. But, believe me when I tell you that in the end, it WILL be sorted out. So, what's my point? I don't know. I just know that I am trying to right the wrongs I have committed. At least the ones I am aware of. And I can sleep at night knowing that I am doing the best I know how. Is it good enough? Probably not. But I am trying. And I am a work in progress. That's all I can do.

my latest creations

2008-04-24T13:40:00.006-06:00

I am in some card swaps, and here are my latest creations for those swaps.

Three are for Courtney's card swap on Card Cafe group, and one is for a swap on the Bellaholics group. Enjoy.

Have you ever noticed...

2008-04-24T09:05:00.003-06:00

that some people, no matter how old they are, refuse to be "grown up"?

The last couple of days have been a real eye opener for me. There are people who say things, but don't mean them.

There are people who profess to be your friend, but aren't.

There are people who, no matter what you're going through, instead of saying, "yeah, that sucks, I'm really sorry" they have had it worse, done it better, or are sicker than you.

If you say, "oh, I have a headache" they say, "Well, I've had a migraine for the last 3 days"

I am SICK of these people being in my life.
You know what???? If you don't like me, if I've hurt your feelings, PUT YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES ON AND TALK TO ME ABOUT IT. I am sick of passive aggressive shit. Life is too short to play games.

If I hurt someone, I can't do anything about it until I know. If you can't be open and honest about having your feelings hurt, then perhaps you should go back to junior high. Because that's where these types of games are played.

Grow up. Get a therapist. And come back when you are able to identify with and talk about your feelings.

Today's links

2008-04-14T12:41:00.003-06:00

OK, so I went and saw a couple of sites you may be interested in. I have become addicted to stamps called Bellas. You can see them here: http://www.stampingbella.com/

And, there are others of us out there. We are called "bellaholics". Believe me, it's not my only addiction, but right now it's my preferred addiction. Anyway... Here is a link to a fellow bellaholic's blog:

http://www.live-love-laugh-create.blogspot.com/

And to the site she had us go look at today to check out these kits:

http://katieskiff.typepad.com/3littledreams/

It's a kit of the month club...

And someday, I will join and buy them. Unfortunately, money being the way it is, it won't be happening in time for this kit... UGH...

Anyway, check em out! And leave a comment saying you found them here.

Thanks!!

W
AKA Dubabella

have you been wondering

2008-04-11T10:51:00.007-06:00

Where the heck I've been??? Well, I've been trying to make cards. And I have been making quite a few. And I've been neglecting all my other duties, including blogging and housework, because my dh had shoulder surgery, and things feel so, well, messed up... Anyway, this one is going to be short and sweet, since I want to just upload some cards I made for some swaps. I have a few more, but I am not going to scan them right now, how's that for lazy? :) Anyway.. Enjoy. These first two are some side swaps for the Bella swap I just did. The red stickled boots on Ipodabella are in honor of my friend Kimberlee's red boots. LOVE them! Wish I could wear heels like that. :D The other ones are ones I made when I found out a former co-worker had breast cancer, and I sort of CASEd the idea from Splitcoast Stampers. Different colors than hers, but I can't remember her name. But the idea came from someone on there. Thanks!

The next ones are ones for the monochromatic swap on the Card Cafe yahoo group that I am on. I am LOVING the talent on that group, and the fact that most of the time, I only have to make and mail two cards. It's awesome! :) I have the green one left to scan, it's done, just haven't scanned it yet. SO here are black and white, and pink. :)

All my problems are fixed!!!

2008-04-02T13:06:00.003-06:00

I had a friend tell me I needed an easy button from Staples, so yesterday I was driving by it, and went in and bought one. I am cured!!!

I just push the button, and POOF, my problems are erradicated by the pre-recorded male voice that says, "That was easy"

Who knew?

A Few Cards

2008-03-24T16:07:00.008-06:00

I made for some swaps... I can't remember if I posted my quote swap already, so if not, I apologize. But anyway.

One is the quote swap that Courtney hosted, one is "On the Farm" from Card Cafe, and one is "Here Birdie, Birdie" also from Card Cafe. Here they are, hope you enjoy. Eventually I will get more stuff blogged. I promise. Lef T was talking to me about that today, saying that he wanted me to update. I haven't done much other than take care of stuff here since he had surgery, etc. :)

TAG, You're IT!

2008-03-21T19:52:00.003-06:00

I forgot that Courtney tagged me like a week ago. Apparently I need to do 7 random thoughts. I have no idea what to say... but I am going to make the attempt, since the last time I got tagged, I was having the worst migraine I've ever had and I got bitchy about it. (Sorry, Jeanette)

ok, here goes....

Sagittarius is my sign.
I am spoiled.
I have a tattoo of a frog on my left ankle.
I am in love with the 80s.
I miss the midwest a lot.
I can't check out books from the public library.
I have Bipolar disorder.

So, that rounds out the list for me, I guess... Some day I will try and blog about all of the stuff that I just mentioned. I STILL haven't blogged about my beef with McDonalds, so, that has to happen at some point. :)

Sometimes, I get overwhelmed...

2008-03-21T19:35:00.004-06:00

Now is one of those times. I know I will be ok. It's just... I like routine. I really like routine.
A LOT. So, on Wednesday, my dh had a SLAP repair. No, I didn't slap him and injure him so badly that he needed medical attention. It stands for superior labrum anterior to posterior. The labrum is the lip or ring of cartilidge around your shoulder socket that helps keep your arm bone in place. Here's a link to read more about it.

http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/shoulder-slap-tear-topic-overview

Anyway... he's in a sling for the next 4 weeks at least. And he's hating it. Anyone who knows my dh knows that he is VERY independednt. He doesn't like to have anyone do anything for him. He doesn't like to ask for help. So, the last couple days around our house have been a little rough. He is fine, but I have taken the weight of the world on my shoulders, and it's difficult. He also is not able to sleep in bed. He has been sleeping on the reclining sofa in our room. And I miss him. I miss putting my head on his shoulder while we talk. I miss him putting his head in my lap so I can play with his hair. So I am trying to keep it together while I pick up the slack. He is the one who does the dishes in our house, so I have been trying to keep them done. It's not a hard thing, it's just something that I don't enjoy doing. I mean, REALLY don't enjoy doing.

And I need to be better about telling him how much I appreciate that he does them. Because last night when I was getting ready to load the dishwasher, and dumping out disgusting cereal and milk that was still in bowls while trying not to dry heave, I was thinking how much I dislike the chore, and how grateful I am that he has done it. I don't think I can count on one hand (ok, maybe both) the times I have done the dishes in the last five years. It has honestly been less than 10. I mean, we will make up for it now, because I've done them twice just today, and haven't done the dinner dishes yet. But still. I can't tell you what it means to know that I never have to do dishes when he's well. And the thing is, my job is laundry. My dh feels the same way about laundry as I do about dishes. But I can guarantee you that he's done laundry more times than I've done dishes.

The point of this story is, I love my husband more than anything, and he's awesome. And I hope that after this week, he will get some kind of inkling about how much I love him, because it's really hard for me to tell him what he does right. I am one of those people who says nothing when things are ok, but when things aren't ok, WATCH OUT. So, honey, I LOVE YOU. YOU ROCK. I appreciate all you do for me. I am happy to take care of you during this crappy time. And I am really glad we did the shoulder first. Because knee surgery will be a cake walk after this. :D SMOOCHES.

This is exactly what I should be doing right this minute...

2008-03-14T08:34:00.008-06:00

Well, here's the pics of what it looks like now. One of my wonderful friends came over last night and cut my boys' hair, and then helped me with some putting away of stuff.. which was SO awesome! So, yes, there is some stuff on my desk, but it will have to wait til I get home.

And, ignore the damn sideways picture. I can't figure out how to get it off there... UGH....

I am thinking I may call this done... I am going to alter the black and white box sitting on the shelf. I am not sure how yet, but it can't stay that way. There ya go. Hope you;ve enjoyed my creative outburst.. LOL

Did I say that?????

2008-03-13T06:33:00.003-06:00

Yes, yes I did. I said I was going to post this hilarious story from one of my groups to my blog, and in my slothfulness, I forgot...

Dee, this is for you :)
W

BANNED FROM WALMART.....
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
Mrs. Sousley insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.
Unfortunately, Mr. Sousley was like most men--he found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, Mrs. Sousley was like most women--she loved to
browse. One day Mrs. Sousley received the following letter from her local
Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Sousley,
Over the past six months, your husband, Shawn Sousley has been causing
quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be
forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.
Sousley are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
cameras.
1. March 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.
2 . April 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3. April 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.
4. April 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
5. May 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.
6. June 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. July 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the bedding department.
8. July 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. August 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror
while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least ..
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
Regards,
Walmart

Sorry to leave you hangin!

2008-03-12T16:08:00.006-06:00

So this is the board I have my stickles in. I found a board at home depot in the trim section. It was a 1/4 inch thick, and it's 5.5 inches wide by 4 feet long unfinished poplar board. I drilled several holes in it with this tool:

Don't ask me what that little doodad is, because I have no CLUE what it's called. All I know is when I saw it in Home Depot, that it was what I needed to drill those holes. This size is a 3/4 inch. I came up with this measurement by taking the lid off of the Stickles bottle and holding the tools up to it until I found the one that most closely resembled the size I needed. So, my experiment is your gain. It's 3/4 inches.. LOL.

So, then I painted the board white with the high gloss paint I used to paint my door and the trim.

OH! I almost forgot, I sanded. Just enough to take the splintery parts off. And I used a Zig Writer w/ 100 grit sandpaper wrapped around it for the inside of the holes. It worked great.

Anyway, then we found some 5x6 inch wall brackets in the near the shelving hardware. Just white metal L shaped brackets. We used 3 because of the length of the board, just in case I ever want to use it for something other than stickles... And this is what it looked like after we got those mounted to the wall.

Now, I have not yet used double sided adhesive to stick the shelf down, which is what I am planning on doing, mostly because I am not sure I won't need more holes in it, not just for stickes, but other things.

So, I will be adhering it, but probably not with screws. And that will be fine, because the stickles are not that heavy.

And here is the finished shelf with the Stickles in it:

Stickles board

2008-03-12T11:57:00.005-06:00

Ok, for those of you who don't know what Stickles are, I will show you... :)

<------

See that? Those are Stickles. And thanks to my friend Nej, I am addicted to them. I have more flavors than a Baskin Robbins. And I wanted to put them in my scrap room in a way that they would be upside-down so I could have gravity help me get every last fleck of shiny goodness...

Shoot.. it's time for the bus. Hold that thought, I will be back in a bit :)

WHY is this man in a scrap room?

2008-03-11T22:08:00.003-06:00

OH, I'll tell ya why... Because his wife has a sweet pair of 38C aliber weapons of mass distraction... That's why!

And he's a sucker for anything that makes her smile.

And she promised to make it worth his while. After it's all put back together.. LOL

Evil, EVIL woman.

Isn't he cute??? And I never would have been able to do this without him.

Thanks baby!

Today's accomplishments

2008-03-11T21:55:00.005-06:00

AND for those of you begging for the directions to my shelf for stickles, those pictures are taken and directions will be coming! :)

Here is the room as it sits now... We are still working, and it's almost ten.. UGH. I am hittin it hard tomorrow. WHo wants to help? I can order pizza for lunch! :)

Love,
W

moving right along...

2008-03-11T11:09:00.006-06:00

Well, we are putting stuff back in... Here's what it looks like today.

Well, sort of... after I took these, we got the desk top in and the rest of the shelves up on the wall. I will take more today later. :)

Touch up painting

2008-03-10T14:10:00.002-06:00

Is done. I did a bad thing, but I can't even discuss it. Well.. maybe I can. I caulked baseboards yesterday, and it said minimum of 3 hour dry time, but wait to paint til it no longer feels tacky to the touch. Well... I waited. I was planning on doing touch up last night. When we got home from the bday party for my BIL, it still was sticky. And when I was almost ready to go to bed, it was sticky. And when I got up this morning, it was less sticky, but sticky, nonetheless.

And you know what I said? Hell with it, I am paintin it anyway. So I did. And it looks fine. And I don't care if it falls down the wall in six months, it will be behind my desk, so I don't have to see it. So, I am in the process of moving SOME stuff back in, but it's going to be a bit before it's all done. I will take more pics when I get some stuff moved in. :)

AND, be on the lookout for my upcoming post about McDonalds. I am so pissed at them. I am going to copy the corporate office on my scathings.

Gettin closer!

2008-03-09T16:24:00.005-06:00

SO, my trim is back up, caulked, and ready to be touched up. The door is painted and ready to go back on. It's coming together! And I did purchase the replacement outlet cover. It cost me a whoppin $.22

I also changed the light bulbs to full spectrum "daylight" bulbs, and I really like the effect. :) Enjoy. The next pics I take with it empty will be when it's DONE! WHOO HOO!

So,

2008-03-08T20:12:00.003-07:00

I did some more stuff. I promise. But it's out in the garage, and I am cold and exhausted, and I don't really want to walk my butt out there to take pics of it. Is that bad? I promise it's almost done. I painted the base boards and the door a high gloss white. Well, I painted half the door. The other half needs to be done. But the door frame and base boards need a second coat. I am trying to get the energy to do them tonight. Because if I do, that means I can put them on tomorrow. But I think I am going to shower, and get clean, and then work on it some more tomorrow. I know it's Sunday... But I just have to get this done... OH, the dilemma...

Which brings me to a small piece of advice. When we built our house, we had the option to do two tone paint, which means they paint every thing the color we picked, and then they do a high gloss white on the doors and base boards. And it really made me angry that they were going to charge us $1800 if we picked this option. Because what they do is take the doors and paint them in the middle of the living room before they lay the carpet. And they paint the base boards the same way, before they are put on.

So, if you want to do it yourself, it's back breaking and horrendous, but will only cost you the amount of the paint and supplies. If I had it to do over again, I would have made them do it instead of being pissed off about what a rip off it is. Because it would have been well worth the $1800. I just didn't know it at the time.

Flooring is done

2008-03-08T16:07:00.005-07:00

and in!

After a LOT of work.

It's been a long day. And it's not over yet. But here is the completed floor. Now all that's left is to get the trim painted and up and the door painted and on.

OH, and the broken outlet cover replaced. :)

Lunch break

2008-03-08T13:19:00.003-07:00

This is what we've completed thus far today. It's about 1:20 p.m. local time and we are taking a break for lunch... We are both exhausted, but I am happy that it is nearing completion. I did have a little mishap when re-attaching all the outlet covers, etc. I broke one, and my drill slipped when I was doing the light switch, and I gauged the freshly painted wall... OH well...

Here are the pictures.

It's called Grass Cloth

2008-03-07T21:25:00.003-07:00

It's now the color of my scrap room. But there is a funny story behind it.

(And, it really doesn't look as yellow as these pictures make it seem.)

Once upon a time, there was a woman. She wanted to paint her scrap room. She wanted it to be green. She could see the color in her mind. And she went to the Home Depot and stood in front of the Behr paint display and closed her eyes. And she picked a couple of samples, each with four colors on it. And she took them home.

She showed them to her dh, who hereinafter will be called Lef T. And he liked the one called Grape Vine. And she showed them to her friend, and she also liked the one called Grape Vine.

This woman, who we will call CW (Cake Whore) liked the one called Jungle Trail. But CW's friend said it was too yellow. So, she decided to get one more opinion. And this third opinion also liked Grape Vine best. But, #3 said, it's very dark.

So, CW asked her other friend if she thought it would be too dark for her north facing, tiny windowed office. This friend said, yeah, I would probably do the one above it on the paint chip if it was my room. This color was called Boston Fern. And CW thought it was beautiful, and would not detract at all from the look she was trying to achieve.

Well, presently, the time was nigh that the room should be painted. And CW went to dinner with Lef T. And afterward, CW said, "Hey, do you wanna go to Home Depot, since it's right across the street? I need to buy the paint." And Lef T said, "Do I have a choice?" CW's response was patient and kind, "nope. To Home Depot, James"

So, CW realized that she'd left the paint chip at home. No problem. There were TONS of them at the Home Depot. And she'd never forget the name of the original color. Grape something.

So, at Home Depot, she pulled out a paint chip. And the darkest color was Jungle Trail. The one above that was Grape Leaves. Above that was Grass Cloth. Eureka! She'd FOUND it!

"This is it," she told Lef T.

Then she looked again, and looked back at all the paint swatches. "Wait, is this it?"

Lef T responded by looking from her ample bosom to her eyes and said, "Huh?" (ok, that's an exaggeration, that didn't really happen. But this is fiction... sort of..)

But to a guy, it's green. It's all green. And paint is totally named for women, because THEY are the ones who remember that the white they want above all other 50 shades of WHITE is called Swan Wing. (insert eye roll here).

So, CW said, "No, I think this is it. It was called Grape Leaves, wasn't it? There can't be two colors called the same thing. That NEVER happens."

So, after a lengthy discussion with the friendly paint mixer fellow regarding which finish to use, and how much was needed to paint a room of this size with 8 ft ceilings, the color above Grape Leaves was chosen. "A gallon of Grass Cloth in Satin Finish please", said CW.

"Six to eight minutes, ma'am" said friendly paint mixer fellow.

"Thanks! Hey, honey, let's go look at crown moulding." And Lef T responded by saying, "If I am laying a floor this weekend, I might need a new saw."

So, CW and Lef T went and looked at compound mitre saws. Can we say CHA-CHING?

And then CW and Lef T went and looked at crown moulding. CW said, "I need 44 linear feet," hoping to impress Lef T that she knew what a linear foot was. But what happened was that he looked at the price of the cheapest stuff closest to what she wanted and quickly did the math in his head. $1.78 per lf x 44lf = way too much money. Fine. If CW can't have her crown moulding, Lef T has to use his circular saw to cut flooring. It's called compromise.. LOL

Anyway, fast forward to this afternoon (because CW was being pampered by an awesome friend, who treated her to not only a pedicure, but also lunch!). Well, CW pulled off the base boards after a lengthy discussion about it with Lef T. And then it was time for kids to get home from school, and, being Friday, it was time for the weekly exchange of children.

After all of that, CW started having a freakout about a missing CD-ROM for a piece of equipment she was wanting to install on her PC. And during this freakout, throw crap off the desk a piece at a time, she found it. The original paint chip. And guess what. The color was GRAPE VINE, not GRAPE LEAVES. And unfortunately, if you have ever purchased paint from the Home Depot, you will know that the sticker they place on the top of the can after it's mixed isn't just a place for the color of the mixed paint. It is also for a special word: NON-RETURNABLE.

Until tonight, CW didn't know that word was on the lid of the paint can. But it is. So, CW thought and thought. She thought of where she could use the errant color instead. And Lef T said he would eat the cost of another gallon of paint if it would make her happy. But instead, CW decided to go ahead and use the paint. Even though it's the wrong color.

So, it's done. I painted it all in about an hour and 15 minutes. And I have photographic evidence. And it's beautiful. And it won't be too dark for the north facing small window room.

Just make sure if you are going to paint, and you want to be really specific about the color, don't purchase paint on the way home from a dinner date. Or if you are going to, or even if you think you might, keep the paint swatch in your purse.

Trust me when I tell you that you won't be sorry if you have it with you. It will save you from forgetting that paint that has a similar name doesn't mean it's the color you meant to buy. I'm helping you learn by CW's mistakes.

It's 9 p.m.

2008-03-06T20:58:00.004-07:00

Local time. I am tired... but I have purchased paint, ripped up carpet, and pulled up tack strips, removed a door, and scraped glue off a concrete floor. I am dirty and sweaty...

And here it is.... my empty room.

And one of my slave child laborers in action... :)

During...

2008-03-06T15:59:00.006-07:00

So, here are the pics of the "DURING" phase. This was when my friends left to go meet kids after school, about 2 hours after we started. Looks a lot better, huh?

Before...

2008-03-06T15:44:00.007-07:00

PLEASE, I know this is really embarrassing, but I am going to show you what my room looked like before my dear friends came over to help me gut it!

This is looking in from the doorway. Is it any wonder that I can't create in here?

So, my friends came over and helped me throw some stuff in boxes and get it out of there. I am planning on getting the rest out this evening and ripping up carpet.

Painting hopefully tomorrow at some point.

But I will upload the rest of these pics, so you can see how heinous it really was.

So, as you walk in the door, this picture to the left is what you see. And the picture to the right is what you see if you are sitting in that chair and turn around to face the door.

and this shot is the wall directly across from the window. And this is the mess that greeted me when I opened the door. And we started at about 12:30 p.m. So here is the before. :)

Bella swap

2008-03-05T11:44:00.003-07:00

So, I finished my Bella card swap, with the Cuppacakeabella, stamped by my friend Jenn G. Thanks! And this is how they turned out. :)

I used Stickles on her shoes (Christmas red), the hem and neckline of her dress (lime), the "foil" wrapper of the cupcake (silver), and the frosting on the cake(diamond). The paper is from BoBunny designs, and there is some ribbon in a magenta color, and a dusty rose color. You can't tell, but the cardstock is a textured rosy beige color, and I LOVE it.

Next up, my cards for a quote swap. And before pics of my scrap room, since I am going to work my hiney off on it this week. :)

keeping up with demands

2008-03-03T20:25:00.002-07:00

So, my son, Mason is 3 1/2. And he has a drinking problem. Milk, to be specific. We just can't get him off the sauce. And it interferes with his normal daily activities. So, tonight, when he had a poopy diaper (yes, I know he's 3 1/2 but we think he has autism, and it won't be long before he's ready, so, no advice on this, please) and was asking for milky, he was told by my dh that he needed to have a diaper change first.

Well, this did not sit well with him at ALL, but after much protesting, he asked my oldest dd to change his diaper. And she did.

And when he was done, he stood up and said with a certain air of authority, "Daddy, you need to gimme some milk. Time's UP!"

I wasn't in the room, but I heard it and I could imagine him with his little hands on his hips telling his daddy it was time for some milk.

Oh, the demands of parenthood....

Some cards

2008-03-02T19:15:00.007-07:00

I am on a group called Card Cafe. The swaps are small, you make two cards, and you mail them as if you were mailing to a friend, and it works awesome! Because it's a challenge, but it's not overwhelming...

And it gets me using my stuff, which I NEED. So.. I have made some cards recently for the swaps, and I am uploading them here.

First... for the Cutting the Cake swap:

I used Bazzill Bling for the tiers, Stickles for the base "frosting" and around the tops of the tiers, a heart button for the cake "topper" and ribbon. The paper background is Chatterbox. Congratulations is stamped in Platinum by Cat's eye chalk ink. The stamp is CTMH, from a graduation set that I don't know the name of.. :)

Next is the color challenge. This STRESSED me out, because the two cards I am making are going to people whose work I LOVE. Courtney, and the list mom, Judi. The rub was, you don't know what the color was going to be until the partners for the swap were assigned. So I freaked when I found out it was purple and yellow. I was scared to death... But I think it turned out ok. I mean, it is purple and yellow...

So, the card base is cream colored cardstock, and the yellow is out of a pack of pastels that I purchase at Rite Aid YEARS ago. The stamp is D.O.T.S ( I know, they aren't even called that anymore...) QUIZ: What company is DOTS now? :D Flower I think is by prima, but I am not sure, it was given to me. The paper under the torn part is just a handmade paper. And the image is stamped in Eggplant Envy (SU!) on purple bazzill. The yellow had white lines going through it, which I had to stickle, because I am addicted to stickles now. It's not my favorite, but I didn't think it was too bad... that was a hard one for me..

Next is the Spring showers swap. Anything related to spring showers. So, I used my new SU! set called "A Little Birdie Told Me"

I am going to add a puddle down by the birdie feet, and some stickle raindrops to the umbrella. But I am too lazy to scan it again after I do it... Anyway... here it is..

The paper was from a stack, I have no idea where it came from or who made it. It was 6x6 sheets. And I stamped the images on that paper, a coordinating stripe, and then a green that I thought matched. I then stamped the images again on blue bazzill. I cut out the body of the birds, and the umbrella off the patterned papers, and adhered them to the stamped images on the bazzill. Then I printed my spring quote on yellow bazzill and added a bit of blue ribbon. I LOVE this set. I am really excited about it! So, anyway, I liked how it turned out pretty well.

The last one is a Rhyme and Rhythm swap. The idea was for us to use a nursery rhyme or poem as the main focus and then use that to design our card.

Here is how it turned out...

I used an image from the Rusty Pickle Old Fashioned Valentines paper, backed it on a rust colored cardstock, printed the nursery rhyme on kraft cardstock, cut it out like a tag and stapled a turquoise colored ribbon to it. Then I used a piece of the DCWV Luxury Stack, dry embossed it with a SU! brass template called Priceless, and then used brown textured CS on the bottom. I love it! It's my favorite one, because it's not typical. The nursery rhyme I used was:

There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good, but when she was bad she was horrid.

DH said that it should say when she was bad she was better. I was like, WHO taught you that??? Apparently it was his grandfather. I said, that's along the same lines as the rhyme you wanted me to use earlier that started, "there once was a man from Nantucket...."

Noddy, noddy boy.

Peanut Butter and Jelly

2008-02-28T12:28:00.002-07:00

And ham and cheese.

That's what my son asked for for lunch last week. And I said, "you want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"

And he said, "Uh, yeah, and ham and cheese."

And I said, "but, not on the same sandwich... right?"

And he said, "Uh, peanut butter and jelly and ham and cheese."

"So, you want two sandwiches? A peanut butter and jelly, and a ham and cheese?"

"No, peanut butter and jelly and ham and cheese."

"Mason, you want peanut butter and jelly AND ham and cheese on the same sandwich?"

"yeah"

"Are you SURE? Peanut butter and jelly and ham and cheese? Between two pieces of bread. The same two pieces of bread?"

"um, yeah."

So, I set to work. I get out bread, spread the peanut butter, the jelly, and before I put any more on it, I say, " OK, Mason, I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich here. Are you SURE you want me to put cheese on it?"

"yep, cheese and ham."

"With the peanut butter and jelly, you want cheese and ham? Together?"

"yep"

"okay, I just wanted to make sure before I put it all together."

So, out comes the slice of American cheese, and the ham.. I put the ham on the peanut butter side, and the cheese on the jelly side. And I am thinking, he will NEVER eat this. And feeling a little queasy.

And the sad thing is, not only did he eat it, every BITE, except for the crusts, he told me how great it was and how much he liked it. And he's asked for it again...

ICK.

Thank goodness

2008-02-27T21:37:00.002-07:00

for little boys. I have four of them. And my oldest boy will be 11 in April. He is my kiddo with autism. And he never ceases to amaze me. Monday night, my husband and I went to dinner. And on the way there, my husband hands me a very dog-eared red spiral notebook.

He says, "I brought this for you to look at."

"What is it?" I ask.

"It's Alex's drawing notebook. Just take a look and tell me what you think."

"Oh... Kay....." I am nervous, wondering what is up.

So, I open the cover, and look at the first page. It's a dog. With some kind of bubbles above his head that I can't quite figure out, but, it's a dog... I turn the page. Another dog, some different bubbles, this time with words in them. Apparently the dog is hungry. I turn the page again, and it's another dog. And it's very similar to the page before. And as I'm turning the next page, I start to say, "ok, honey, I see dogs, what else...? And I gasp. Because upon turning the page, I see it. Finally.

It's a dog. And apparently, it's a male dog. Know how I know? Because it has a penis. YEP. You read correctly. So, I start turning pages quickly, and EVERY page (except for a few dragons at the end-apparently female- and some Star Wars ships) is a dog with a penis. I flip backwards to the first few I looked at, thinking maybe, just MAYBE these first few don't have them, because I didn't notice them. NOPE. They all have a penis. Now, this is significant for a few reasons:

1. None of our pets, past or present, are male.
2. My husband insists that he has never drawn an anatomically correct dog.
3. The therapist Alex sees also says she's never seen a kid draw a penis on a dog.
4. IT'S A 70 PAGE NOTEBOOK, and about 60 of those pages are dogs with a penis.

So, trying to be nonchalant, on the way home from counseling last night, I say, "Hey, Alex.. I was looking at your drawing notebook today, and you have been drawing lots of dogs."

"Yeah," he says.

"So, I was noticing that they pretty much all had a penis, is there a reason for that?"

"umm, yeah, cuz they're boy dogs." And his tone is sort of like, I don't get the problem here, Mom, don't you know that boys have a penis?

So, I say, "well, buddy, you're drawing these at school sometimes, right?"

"yeah,"

And I say, "Well, if the teacher sees that, you probably will get in trouble, because it's not real appropriate to draw pictures of anything with a penis when you're at school. So, it would be really helpful if you wouldn't draw dogs or anything with a penis while you're at school, ok?"

"Ok, Mom." And I'm thinkin, GOOD, this wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. And then he says, "Hey, Mom?"

"yeah, buddy?"

"So, when it's summer vacation, I'm allowed to draw penises again?"

First off, I am trying not to choke on my McDonald's cherry pie. And trying not to laugh. Because although he is 11, his maturity level is nowhere NEAR that. And he's not kidding. And it would not be an appropriate response for me to laugh at this sincere, innocent question. But he wanted an answer. So, I said, "buddy, lets get through the rest of the school year with no penises on dogs, and then we can discuss it some more when school is out."

What else could I say? All I could think about was the fact that the BSA gives this kid access to bb guns and archery equipment at day camp. It was sort of a sobering thought.

More sobering is the fact that anything that he gets told comes out of his mouth with no regard for who is listening or who can hear him. It's not his fault, he just does not have the filter he needs to deal with certain types of information. So, I can't talk to him about certain things without it being discussed with the rest of the children in our family. So, we keep muddling along.

I am SO glad that we don't have a male dog or cat. And maybe I will buy him a male fish. Because then there won't be a penis on it. At least not visible. OY...

Hazardous to your health...

2008-02-26T20:37:00.003-07:00

Who knew??? Cupcakes can KILL YOU!! I submit to you the following article for your consideration.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080225/wl_uk_afp/british

First off, thanks Kimberlee for sharing.
and, rest assured, loyal readers, I am only eating one at a time. And usually only one a day. Usually...
I know that means you will all sleep well tonight.
W

Yep, I live near the hood.

2008-02-24T19:26:00.004-07:00

SO, not IN the hood, but CLOSE to it. The Albertsons in question is not the nice new one on Greenhurst at 12th Ave. It's the one ON 12th Ave at 7th St. And, we've taken to calling it Little Albertsons. Not to be confused with ghetto Pauls on 11th Ave near Franklin. And unfortunately, he is not pulling my chain.

And the thing is, I was not with him, and had I been with him, she NEVER would have said it to him. At least I would think she would not have. But, then, I am pretty floored by the whole thing as it is. I NEVER would have said that to someone else's husband. EVER. It takes a special set of balls to be that, well, ballsy.

I have to say, too, that my comment to my dh about making a verbal response next time was a joke. He happened to be standing behind me reading over my shoulder, so I figured I'd give him some crap. His glares are quite good, powerful enough to melt stuff. And, she did apologize, but I think only because he glared at her, because if his reaction had been different, who knows? LOL But thankfully, I know him well enough to know I never had to worry for a second about it. :) I just was appalled that she would say it to him. I mean, I get it... I see how you would feel that eye for an eye type thing... but even if you say it to your closest friend, or your cheating ass husband, don't say it to someone else's husband. Anyway, I LOVE my hubby. He rocks. :)

And, she may have been dumb, but she can't be that dumb, she knew a good man when she saw him. :D

Stupid White Trash Crack Ho

2008-02-22T16:37:00.004-07:00

So, Wednesday night, my dh went to Albertson for Advil Liquigels. Because I had a headache, and we didn't have anything other than tylenol, which I had already taken and gotten no relief. So, he goes and he's standing at the check out in front of a white trash crack ho, and in front of him at the end of the counter is her white trash crack addict friend. And they are having a discussion about her discovery of her husband's apparent infidelity. Great. So she's bitching about how pissed off she is, and she hates him and he's such a jerk. And she's debating about what to do to make herself feel better. (Apparently, buying tampons was first on the list). So she's going on about slashing their tires, etc. And then she turns to my husband and says, "so, do you wanna.....?" Hinting that she will take him out back and ride him if he said yes. His response was a scathing glare at her, and then at her friend. But here is my question for her... and forgive me, there is no other thought for how I feel about this....

WTF?????

So... seriously??? taking someone else's husband and screwing him is going to make you feel better about your current situation? I think NOT. Here's what you do. You go get an attorney, and you divorce his ass, and leave him to rot with whatever STD he brings home. And you go ahead and slash his tires and hers if it makes you feel better. But you DO NOT ever proposition my husband again, because I will find you. And believe me when I tell you, you will not be having tires slashed if I find you with my man. I promise you. Because Lord help me. If I have a knife, it will not be used for tires. It will be used to draw blood.

Get a job, get a life, and stop talking innappropriately to other women's husbands. In fact, don't talk to them at all until you can get your filter working properly. UGH. That just makes me sick. Stupid white trash crack ho.

And honey, next time that happens, a verbal response would be best :)

Ok, I wasn't very clear...

2008-02-20T21:12:00.002-07:00

So, I mentioned the dental office smell... but I apparently forgot to mention that it was a temp job. I was temping Monday and Tuesday. Unfortunately, the other job I had interviewed for I did NOT get, but didn't find out until after spending $30 on a dozen freakin gourmet cupcakes on their freakin office. OH well. I have been praying for things to work out as they SHOULD. It is sometimes hard to remember that God is in charge, and that what I want is not necessarily what is supposed to happen. But in light of the IEP meeting we had today, I am thinking this may be a good thing... We shall see..

On a happy note, I DID make enough money to purchase pergo for my scrap room floor... WHOO HOO!

Ya know that dental office smell?

2008-02-19T19:22:00.002-07:00

Well, imagine working at one. You come home and that smell is stuck to you like white on rice. I worked today. I worked yesterday. And both days I came home and I can smell that smell. It's in my hair. It's on my hands. How many times can you wash your hands in a dental office. I can tell you I washed my hands over 100 times today. Maybe more... And I can still smell "dental office" on them. And it's not latex, because I am allergic to latex, and I can't wear latex gloves.

Anyway... last night I had to come home, change my clothes, eat something (I didn't get a lunch) and run to Sam's club. Then I had to come home, shower, do my hair, and go to bed. And get up to do it again. I am exhausted. I came home, and changed my clothes, but I have to wait until Shad gets home w/Alex before I can go take a shower. And I smell. I smell like the office. And I am not likin it so much. And what I really don't like is having to sit here with it and smell it... I want a shower. And I am kind of glad I don't work full time...

Stranger than fiction...

2008-02-15T23:01:00.003-07:00

OK.. Alex, I am thinkin I must have told you this story already. But for those of you who don't know, there were two brothers who went to my high school who were named (and, NO this is not a joke, and this is the correct spelling)

Lemonjello (pronounced Le MAHN gel oh)
and
Orangejello (pronounced Or RON gel oh)

OK... now, seriously... if you really wanted to give your kids those names, FINE, but be a little creative with the spelling. The only thing that could have been worse is if you'd used the freakin hyphen before the O.

I mean, what? You were standing in the pantry with a craving for a gelatinous coagulation of the citrus variety and decided it would be a rockin' name for your first born??? And thank heaven for the change in accent on the phonetics, because we wouldn't want anyone to figure out where you got the name from the SPELLING!

For that I only can ask the three lettered question that I will tone down for those of you who may be offended by the f-bomb...

WTH????????

Anyway... Thank heaven they were not triplets, because it could possibly have been Lemonjello, Orangejello and Limejello.... (pronounced Lye MMMMMMMMMMMMM jel oh)

Hear ye, Hear ye

2008-02-14T22:25:00.001-07:00

Just so my dh knows I am not kidding about this, I hereby renounce my lust for fireman. And, my new nickname is lemonjello. I love you, baby :)
W

Five years ago

2008-02-14T08:15:00.007-07:00

this month, I got a marriage proposal. This man, whom I'd met a year earlier when I was great with child, and newly divorced. This man who was afraid to love again. Afraid to trust.

He helped name my unborn baby, calling her by the name I had been debating, and sealing that name as hers.

When he asked me to marry him, I was thrilled! I knew it would be hard, but had no idea how hard. He has been worth every minute. This great man, who chose to love me above any other was my rock. He still is. He's gentle and kind. He's funny and sarcastic. He values me when I can't value myself. He is the love of my life. (sucker!) And because I am really bad about saying what I feel when it exposes my soft gooey center, and because music touches both of us, I have a song that pretty much sums it up. And, it's by an 80s hair band..what could be better? I am pretty sure this song is in my stand alone player, so if you want to hear it, use the control on the side bar to find the song, and click on it. (I now have to go check and make sure this is the case, but I will put it on there if it's not already, cuz it's awesome)

Shad, I love you. You are everything to me, and I don't ever want to be without you. You're stuck for eternity, baby. :)

Love of a Lifetime

FireHouse

I guess the time was right for us to say

We'd take our time and live our lives together, day by day

Make a wish and send it on a prayer

We know our dreams can all come true with love that we can share

With you I never wonder, will you be there for me?
With you I never wonder, you're the right one for me.

I finally found the love of a lifetime.

A love to last my whole life through.

I finally found the love of a lifetime.

Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime.

With every kiss, our love is like brand new.

and every star up in the sky was made for me and you.

Still, we both know that the road is long.

We know that we will be together, because our love is strong.

I finally found the love of a lifetime.
A love to last my whole life through.
I finally found the love of a lifetime.
Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime.

Ooh, forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime.

Happy Valentine's Day to my lover and my best friend. I am so in love with you and looking forward to the rest of forever with you.

I love you.

My life as a cake whore...

2008-02-13T21:42:00.002-07:00

OK, so I must say that I LOVE cake. And not only do I love cake, I have found a place close to my house that serves it in individual size portions. OK, so it's not that close to my house, but whatever. I am speaking of course, of the cupcake. Cupcakes are delicious, moist and portion controlled. Are ya with me? OK, well, let me show you what I mean....

www.lillyjanescupcakes.com

GO there. LOOK. And then DRIVE there and taste. If you can't drive there, I am SO sorry... I can't ship them. Because that would mean the 40 minute drive to the store to purchase them, and, let's be honest... If I go and buy them, they are going to end up glued to my backside in the most unflattering form of cellulite ever. Trust me. I ate two of these today already. So.. funny story about this.

I had to go back this afternoon, after going this morning, because my first attempt was messed up by my near dropping of the half dozen box. That would have been ok, except then when I had put them all back in their respective places with just a little bit of frosting lost (ok, one lost all the frosting, but I digress), I then reached back to hand one to Jane. She was home sick and had a doctor appointment a little later that morning. SO, I gave her one. And before I gave it to her, I asked her, "Jane, can you unwrap it, or do you need me to?" And mistake number one was giving her the option in the first place... But mistake number two was giving her the option while I was pulling out of the parking lot.

So, I pull onto Eagle Rd, which for those of you not familiar with this area, is a four lane highway. Two lanes in each direction with a speed limit of 55 mph. I think there is a center turn lane as well, except near the intersections, where it's a left turn only lane.. but there again, I find myself getting off topic. So, here I am, heading toward the opposite end of Eagle Rd, where my kid's appointment is. And I have a small stop to make on the way, which is the dental office where I interviewed last week, so I can drop off the cupcakes I just purchased with a hand made (by me) cupcake shaped card thanking him for interviewing me. And then written in invisible ink is the part where I tell him this job would be the answer to many prayers from both the dh and me. This is some seriously expensive ass kissing considering a dozen of these babies is $27.50. I could have bought them 2 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts for $10 less than this. SO, this should tell you how much I want this job. Not only did I take them treats, I took them coveted treats. Treats I rarely afford myself... Dang.. I am losing focus. MUST be time for bed. But I will finish the telling of this story!

SO, from behind me in her booster seat, I hear my daughter say, "Mom, I can't open this."

Ok, did I mention that I am driving? And driving fast? Anyway, so I reach back with one hand while I white knuckle the steering wheel with the other. And she hands me her cupcake. Frosting side first... and while I am clutching the frosted top of this cupcake, it breaks in half. And drops the bottom part of the cup, still papered, into the rest of my small box of heaven. DAMMIT. And it's pretty well over. The only cupcakes to survive this mishap are the two coconut cupcakes, and the one strawberry one that the frosting had already slid off of because of my near dropping of the box. And mine, the one identical to this one, was underneath it. OH how mad do you think I was?

So, Because Jane's cupcake was obliterated, I offered her a choice of the strawberry one with no frosting, or a coconut. Well, she wanted the strawberry one with no frosting, which surprised me, because she typically will eat the frosting off of the cake, and nothing else. Well... again, shouldn't have given her the choice. Because she took half a bite, ok , more like half a nibble, and said, I don't like this. And was near tears, because she really wanted the chocolate one that had fallen to it's death and taken several hostages with it. So, I told her we would go back later. And this made her happy. And more so, it made me happy, because I knew I could get another chocolate cupcake with the hot chocolate "italian version of meringue" frosting.

So, we get her appointment overwith, and I head over to Craft Warehouse for some minor indiscretion, and to call my dh and ask him to have lunch with us. And then we go to lunch. And after lunch, we go back to Lilly Jane's.

And the gal working at the counter smiles at me and says, "Welcome to Lilly Jane's! Is this your first time in our store?" And I smile back sweetly and say, "Not only is it NOT my first time in the store, it's not my first time in the store TODAY" And I give her a cheesy grin. And the owner gets this delighted look on her face like I am her new best friend, and she says, "Now, that's what we like to hear!"

And the girl at the counter says, "Do you know what you'd like?"

UMMM, YEAH, a fireman feeding those hot chocolate frosting thingies to me off his chiseled pecs... oh wait.. sorry.. got lost for a minute... :D

"Yes, please. I'd like six of the chocolate with hot chocolate whatever it is frosting". And the owner smiles at me and says, "Isn't that frosting SO good?" and I'm like, uh YEAH, only so good that I am here moronically admitting to you that I was already in today to buy one and practically licked the first one off the cardboard since it didn't make the trip. And I said, "Yeah, I've decided you guys can't EVER stop making that. EVER." Because I totally have that air of authority.

Ok, pardon me now, while I pause to let my friends who know me well stop laughing.....

any time now guys...

OK, I am serious, not that funny....

OK, forget it, they are just going to laugh, so I will just forge ahead anyway...

SO, I make my purchase, and I am leaving, and the girl at the counter says, "Well, we'll see you a little later, then."

Yeah, FUNNY. "Um, no, I am actually not coming back today. I PROMISE"

And I meant it. But only because I had enough for today's snack, my late night snack (also known as a bed night snack by my youngest child) and breakfast, lunch and dinner for tomorrow. (Hey, it is Valentine's day, so I totally can eat cake for all three meals if I want) OH, and the calories don't count on valentine's day. Yeah... something like that...

Anyway... Order your cupcakes. But, I have a few tips and pointers for you.... :)

1. You can eat them at the store, and this would be advisable.
2. If you choose not to eat them at the store, eat them before you leave the parking lot.
3. If you forgot napkins and do not have a secret stash in your glove compartment, GO BACK AND GET NAPKINS.
4. If you drop them, DO not under any circumstances lick the cardboard insert to remove stray traces of frosting. You will cut your tongue. Those damn circles are sharp.
5. DO NOT eat them while driving 55 mph on ANY stretch of road.
6. Do not give a 5 year old child the option of unwrapping her own, especially if you are trying to drive.
7. Buy a milk or a water to wash them down. (Or coffee, if you're into that) They sell those. And other beverages, but I find drinking juice or soda with something sweet revolting.

And on that note, I am going to bed. Happy cupcaking. :)

Did you notice?

2008-02-13T15:35:00.002-07:00

I changed my blog. Well, messed it up is more like it.

I added a pic I took of the lake at the place where we had the company picnic over the summer, and the quote that my friend put on her blog for me :)

And then I started messing with colors of my blog. And then templates. And when I did this one, I saw it cut part of my picture off. SO I put it back to the old one, and it was still messed up. And it was after ten when I was still trying to fix it, so I gave up. This is why I don't change stuff... LOL I just mess it up :) So, I will be trying to fix it later on. Told you I hate change... :)
W

Support...

2008-02-12T21:06:00.004-07:00

It's a wonderful thing. So, I went to a friend's blog. You know that list of links on the left side of my blog that says: Blogs I try to keep up with on a regular basis? Well, I really DO try to keep up with them daily. And if I have updated my blog, you can bet I have looked at those. I may not comment, but I do read.

1st off, let me give a hearty congrats to MARY! She is getting married!! ROCK ON GIRL!

Ok. Now that I got that off my chest. (sorry, ADD again)

I have a friend who knows me well. She's known me for a long time. And she loves me. In spite of my imperfections... Maybe even because of them. I met her at girls camp when I was 12. And we were buddies from the start. We had a few rough patches here and there... but when I needed her, she was there. I hope I was there for her, too... but even now, when I need her, she is there. So when I opened her blog, the title jumped at me. It said: "For Sarah"

And I read this quote:

"Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,
'I will try again tomorrow.'"
~ Mary Anne Radmacher

SO, thank you Connie, for being there for me. For being willing to skip school and drive to Iowa City with me (even though it backfired.)

For letting me crash and supplying me with diapers and pregnant person pjs when I have a bipolar "I am going for a drive in minneapolis and ended up in waterloo with my two boys, my pregnant self, and no change of clothes" moment.

For crying with me when I lost my first baby girl, even though when you lost yours, I avoided it because I didn't know what to say. If I had only known what that felt like at the time....

For the research on IEPs and 504s and letting me vent about the school and their failings with my special needs child.

For listening to a still, small voice that makes you aware of what I need when I need it. Especially when there are those who say they are my friends, yet tell me I am crazy, and judge me for it.

For forgiving me for not keeping in touch better. And not throwing it in my face that we haven't seen each other since said bipolar road trip....

For understanding me and loving me anyway.

And for the quote for me that was unannounced and simple and spoke volumes to my heart.

I love you, my dear sweet sister. You are always in my heart and my prayers.
W

I have been tagged...

2008-02-11T15:38:00.001-07:00

whatever the hell that is supposed to mean...

So apparently, I am supposed to write 7 things about myself... I have no clue what to say.

And, this is the ONLY time I will be doing this. I don't do "tag" and I don't do forwards, unless they are hilarious.

SO, there is number one.

1. I don't like email forwarded to me. I don't do chain letters, I don't do sock exchanges, recipe exchanges, etc. My love for Jesus is not proven my forwarding crappy emails to 800 of my closest friends. Rarely do I respond to these types of things. It's just too much work for my apparently small mind.

2. I don't like talking on the phone. To ANYONE. Except my husband. And sometimes not even him. Well, and sometimes my mom. I would much rather chat online or email. And my new trick is hanging up on the toll free numbers that call us. I just pick up, and hang up. I don't have to say anything. Isn't that great?

3. I don't like change. I don't like it at all. I can deal with it, and eventually I can figure things out, but I still don't like it, and it will cause a great amount of grumbling.

4. I find it extremely difficult to listen to my middle school aged daughter practice the clarinet. And even more difficult to listen to it with the music on the computer game my son is playing.

5. I dream of winning the lottery (realizing that this is impossible, since I have never purchased a ticket in my life, ever).

6. I have always felt like the family odd ball...

7. I wanted to quit school and be a model when I was in middle school.

Forgive the crankiness of this post, as I am in the middle of a migrain that I have had since Saturday afternoon.

And, forgive me for not tagging anyone else.

My card for Group 2

2008-02-10T19:32:00.000-07:00

This is my card for group 2 of the shaped card swap. And now I have to go, cuz my daughter is full of hand soap.

I love my children

2008-02-10T19:18:00.000-07:00

except that sometimes I don't like them very much...

I know that sounds terrible. But I sometimes just have the hardest time being the mom. I am not good at it. And I second guess myself all the time. And, I remember doing things as a kid that our parents told us not to, like walking on the roof of the chicken coop, etc. BUT... we never did wide systems damage to our house like my kids do. I swear.

So one of my children at some point turned the thermostat upstairs to 70 and put it on cool instead of heat. No problem right? Yeah, except for yesterday the sun actually came out and warmed things up enough that it kicked on the A/C. And got the system all going, and then it froze. Which meant we had no heat. Because it froze up to the coil, which is close enough to the blower that it blocked any air movement. So, we had ice on the wall inside the house, even though it was 57 in here.

So, we had to put in a call, and the very nice man from TML told us to give it some time to thaw out and to try it again at 4 p.m. If it didn't work then, he would come out and look at it.

Well, thank HEAVEN it worked. So, at about 4:15, the phone rang, and it was the service guy from TML, checking in to make sure it was working. I was VERY impressed, because we were supposed to call him if it wasn't working, so when 4 p.m. came and went, he called US. AWESOME!

And the furnace is working again... I wish I could say the same for my meds... :D

So...

2008-02-08T18:32:00.000-07:00

I have no scale... You know that already. But what you may not know is how hard it is for me to not have it. And it's hard for me to eat. I mean, it's hard for me to want to eat... even though I get hungry... It's a power thing for me. And it's a battle with the scale. A battle that I want to win. But not without eating properly... I don't know... anyway... that's my story for the day..
Short and to the point, eh?
W

I forgot to tell this story

2008-02-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

So, a week and a half ago at church, there was a young man who had just returned from a mission. They always are scheduled to speak in church after they get home. So, we were in church, sitting and waiting for the sacrament to be passed. And it's silent in the chapel. I mean, really silent. And we're sitting, and Mason points to this young man, and very much NOT in a whisper says, "mom, is that Pee Wee Herman?"

And, I said, "WHAT?" Big mistake...

"I SAID, is that PeeWee Herman?"

I am ready to die, and I whisper, "SHHH, no, that's not PeeWee, you need to whisper"

Outloud: "well, it looks like Pee Wee Herman"

Whispering mommy: "well it isn't. WHISPER"

OH, the mortification... LOL I thought I would die!!! I was so embarrassed. I apparently blocked it, because I didn't remember until Shad and I were talking about it last night while lying in bed... That little kid is just SO funny....

Oh, and it's totally my fault for letting them watch PeeWee's Big Adventure.

Wow...

2008-02-06T09:03:00.000-07:00

I really need some serious help. I really do. I decided previously that I was going to weigh only on Monday. Fine. Great. So, yesterday being Tuesday, I had a huge argument with myself about weighing or not. And I lost. I did weigh myself. So... I took my scale to Tina's. That way, it's not too far away, so I can weigh on Mondays, but not have to drive out of the neighborhood to do it. And I won't obsess about it. Right??? Yeah, NOT so much.

I have a job interview today. And we got about 3 inches of snow last night (yeah, I know, big shocker). So, this morning, one of Tina's daycare kids was late, and she wanted me to bring my little man over to her, and me to walk with her two to the bus stop. Fine, no problem. Well, when we got over there, the daycare mom was there dropping off her babe. And Tina said, "well, with all the snow, I am afraid it's going to take forever to get to the preschool, so I am going to just go right now, if that's ok with you." No problem, because I am going to come into your house while you are gone and weigh myself.

Then I said it. I said, "I think after I get back I am going to come in and weigh myself"

Tina: No, you're not. It's not Monday.
Me: Yeah, I am. I need to.
Tina: NO, you're not. You can't. I hid your scale! HAHAHA!! And not only did I hide your scale, but I hid mine too....
Me: WHAT???
Tina: Yeah, I know you SO well, that I hid them both last night before we went to the caucus. And don't even try to look for them, you will NEVER find them! Neener, neener, neener.

She's singing this and dancing in a circle.
Shit. She KNOWS me, what can I say....

Except that I would NEVER go through her house looking for the scales. Even though I want to. And I did entertain the thought of purchasing a new one. Or going to Target and pulling one off the shelf and weighing with that...

How messed up is that? I didn't think it would be that hard to not have my scale in the house. I didn't think I would miss it that much. But it was the first thing I noticed both times I went into my bathroom yesterday. And it put me into a small panic for that split second when I couldn't remember where it was...

I guess maybe it's time to get out the Big Blue Book. *sigh* I am so human. I am not superwoman. And I hate it.