Friday, March 6, 2009

Class I'm taking

I am taking a parenting class through the church. I really am enjoying it. I missed the first four, I think, but it's a 10 week course, so I started going a little late. Anyway, the instructor is phenomenal. I really like her. I always wanted to be a mom, from the time I was a very little girl. I've also been very bad at it, in my own opinion. I mean, I'm not beating them or anything. But I'm just not good at being a good mom. I am overly critical, and have very high expectations of them. So this class has been good for me, more because it works on issues that I need to work on as a person, not just as a mother.

And the changes have been small, and gradual. And in some cases, mildly painful. But there have been changes. And I am really grateful for that.

Thursday, March 5, 2009


I am sometimes amazed (and not in a good way) by the lack of compassion from people who should know better.

There is an old Native American proverb that says, "Never judge another person til you've walked a mile in his moccasins." Ok, that might not be exactly it, but, you get the idea.

That's all I'm going to say, because those of you who already get it will ask me, "are you talking about me?" and those who don't will think I don't mean them anyway, so... if you think I'm NOT talking to you, you're probably wrong.

Monday, March 2, 2009

My Monday GRRRR

I woke up this morning in a bit of a funk. See, I need money. I need money to hire an attorney so I can have my husband adopt my kids from my first marriage. My ex husband has not paid child support or seen the kids in 3 1/2 years. And, because he stopped paying child support, it put us in a mode of paycheck to paycheck. And because of that, we can't afford to hire the attorney. And if he was paying child support, we wouldn't need the attorney, because we wouldn't be able to terminate without his consent.

SO... here I sit with the economy in the toilet, trying to be grateful for the fact that my husband has a job. And trying to be ok with the fact that I am staying home and unable to bring any extra income into the house while I do that. Not that I'd be able to find a job. Been there, done that, and the economy was slightly better then than it is now. And, I know that one visit to the H&W office would get them garnishing wages and get me at least $500 a month. Do you know how much that would help us right now?

But, if I were to do that, it would screw our chances of being able to terminate his rights. And I don't know if I can live with that. I don't know what to do. I keep praying for the Lord to open a way for us to do this, but so far, nothing is happening... So what the hell do I do? I try to let Him be in charget, but when I feel like there's nothing happening, it is very difficult.

Perhaps some service would be good for me to do... Meanwhile, if you have any ideas, please feel free to share them with me, because I am completely out of ideas, and dangerously low on faith today.