It's a full moon

and you can sure tell it by the way my kids are behaving.

This morning started out with Autism Boy having a melt down over something. I can't even remember what anymore.

Then, his younger sister had a meltdown about not wanting to go to school for over an hour. It was absolutely insane.

Then, I had no energy to make the jelly I am supposed to make. I went out to buy cat food and wipes, since I was completely out. And while I was there, I bought fruit snacks. And thus the beginning of my issues.

First off, I bought some chicken that was about to expire, because it ends up being a buck off. So the short version of that story is that I dropped about $100 at Sam's club. Which began the whole self loathing/shame spiral thing, even though I didn't buy ANYTHING we didn't NEED.
So, I was already feeling crappy about myself, and then Mason started yelling at me about wanting a snack, etc.

I ignored him, but he just kept screaming, louder and longer. And then I hear the cat make a horrendous noise, and I go out, and sure enough, my worst fear has been realized. She yakked on the carpet. And while I was standing there looking at her, she rewarded me by doing it again. It's not nearly as funny in real life as it was in Shrek 2. In fact, it's not funny at all...

So, a few minutes later, the middle school children are home, and I ask our oldest to please get a baby wipe and clean up the cat puke. So, then what I get is a lot of complaint. "Why do I have to do it? Why can't Alex do it?" So, after a few minute of that, I decide it's just easier to do it myself. Which almost makes me vomit.

So about 45 minutes later, the other kids come home from the bus. They're all clamoring for a snack. So I send Middle Child out to the van to bring in the fruit snacks I'd purchased and left in the van. So they all have fruit snacks.

Fast forward an hour and a half. Jane is playing in the water in the bathroom, because heaven forbid she use the bathroom, wipe, wash her hands, and get out. OH NO. She's got to play in the water, and act like a big dork. So, I am waiting to use the facilities while she's in there playing. I finally tell her to turn the water off (more so I don't pee my pants than anything else) and she comes out.

I go in, have to wipe the seat off (HOW does this happen with girls?) and I sit down. While I am sitting there draining, I realize that behind the sink there are a BUNCH of fruit snack wrappers.

We have a pedestal sink, so it's basically a U shape behind it, and it's made a convenient hiding place for wrappers after Autism Boy has eaten stuff from the pantry or wherever without permission... So after I am finished, I pick up all the wrappers. THIRTEEN in all...

My first thought was Alex. But he couldn't have eaten that many. It had only been 10 minutes since his tech left, and there is NO way he could have gotten that many down without her catching him. But it had to have been him... right? That's totally his MO for sneaking food.

So I call him into the office and ask him why he did it, etc, and I know it was him because that's how he does it all the time. And his response was, "maybe I am sleepwalking while I do it"

WHATEVER... So I ask him, "Are there any left?"
and he tells me he's going to go check. So while he's doing that, I accuse Jane of taking them. Because SURELY it couldn't have been the boys. But she freaks out and tells me it wasn't her, and she's not lying to me, because she can't open them the way that they're open. And she's right. She can't... And then I hear someone go into the garage... and I asked Jared who it was. Jared told me it was Alex.

And then when I mentioned to him that I found these wrappers, he says, "are you serious?"
So Alex comes back in, and I said, "What were you doing out there buddy?"
And he said, "Jordan told me that the fruit snacks were in the van, but I can't find them."

So, in that instant I knew that it wasn't him. So, I ask Jordan to go get Brenden, and then I tell Jared not to leave. I bring them in and have them close the office door.

So, here's how the conversation goes :

Ok, guys. Which one of you took fruit snacks? Because you guys tried to make it look like Alex did it, but the fatal mistake was that he went looking for the box and doesn't know where it is. (thank goodness Alex can't lie to save his life)

So then I get, "well the two youngest kids take stuff sometimes"

And I said, "yeah, they do, but they can't open those packages, neither of them can. So which one of you was it?"

You know, as a parent, you think you're prepared for everything. I was SURE it was one of them. Once you have it figured out for the most part, you think you shouldn't be shocked by the admission of guilt. Until it comes. Such was this case, when Brenden was the first to speak.

"both of us"

SERIOUSLY???? I am not sure if my mouth dropped open or not, but it sure felt like it wanted to. I tried to remain stoic, but I'm not sure how good a job I did.

So, between the two of them, they ate 1/3 of the package. And I said, "First of all, that was your dinner. And secondly, you two will go up to the loft while we eat and discuss what your punishment will be. AND you will apologize to your brother, because you were going to let him take the fall for what you did. You did it purposefully to make it look like it was him so you wouldn't get in trouble. Would you like to trip an old lady with her walker, or take advantage of a mentally handicapped person while you're at it?"

Ok, so the last part may have been a little harsh, but I was SO shocked, I just didn't know what to say. And appalled...
So, I get dinner on the table while the guilty are upstairs. While I am putting it on, Jane starts shrieking that she doesn't like pot pie, and she wants a sandwich, etc. So I tell her FINE make a sandwich. We had just sat down to eat when Jordan's mom came over to get her for the school's open house/meet the teacher night.

So, I figured I'd bounce it off her, since Shad's not home and one of the offending party is her offspring. So I tell her that I told them that was dinner, etc, and that they were upstairs discussing their consequence, and I came back in and sat down. Alex said, "Hey mom, Jane got one of her pieces of toast stuck in the toaster, so I unplugged it, and got one of the squeezie things, you know, that you squeeze together to pick stuff up, and got it out for her."

"you mean the tongs?"

"yeah. I forgot what they were called"

I said, "Good thinking, buddy, thanks for unplugging it and doing it safely" and he said, "sure! The first time I used my finger, but then I grabbed the tongs and used them"

I said, "be careful, you could have burned yourself"

"I did."

WHAT????

" I burned my pointer finger a little, but it's a good thing it's my right hand" (he's a lefty... gotta love that autism logic, huh?)

So I looked at it and told him to put it under cold water while I get Mason some applesauce, since he won't eat pot pie either. Then he asks me if he should get some ice for it. I said, "yes, that's a good idea."

Jane says, "Well I need some ice too."

I said, "No you don't, Jane, just eat."

She starts bawling her head off. "But my thumb hurts really bad"

And I look at her and realize that SHE burned herself too.... UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So, the verdict is that the guilties will be doing Alex's chore this week in addition to their own, and the fruit snacks in question is their dinner. I thought I was tired before, but I am downright DEAD now...

BTW, did I mention that I'm single parenting this week???? I'm running away...