Friday, March 7, 2008

It's called Grass Cloth

It's now the color of my scrap room. But there is a funny story behind it.
(And, it really doesn't look as yellow as these pictures make it seem.)

Once upon a time, there was a woman. She wanted to paint her scrap room. She wanted it to be green. She could see the color in her mind. And she went to the Home Depot and stood in front of the Behr paint display and closed her eyes. And she picked a couple of samples, each with four colors on it. And she took them home.

She showed them to her dh, who hereinafter will be called Lef T. And he liked the one called Grape Vine. And she showed them to her friend, and she also liked the one called Grape Vine.

This woman, who we will call CW (Cake Whore) liked the one called Jungle Trail. But CW's friend said it was too yellow. So, she decided to get one more opinion. And this third opinion also liked Grape Vine best. But, #3 said, it's very dark.

So, CW asked her other friend if she thought it would be too dark for her north facing, tiny windowed office. This friend said, yeah, I would probably do the one above it on the paint chip if it was my room. This color was called Boston Fern. And CW thought it was beautiful, and would not detract at all from the look she was trying to achieve.

Well, presently, the time was nigh that the room should be painted. And CW went to dinner with Lef T. And afterward, CW said, "Hey, do you wanna go to Home Depot, since it's right across the street? I need to buy the paint." And Lef T said, "Do I have a choice?" CW's response was patient and kind, "nope. To Home Depot, James"

So, CW realized that she'd left the paint chip at home. No problem. There were TONS of them at the Home Depot. And she'd never forget the name of the original color. Grape something.

So, at Home Depot, she pulled out a paint chip. And the darkest color was Jungle Trail. The one above that was Grape Leaves. Above that was Grass Cloth. Eureka! She'd FOUND it!

"This is it," she told Lef T.

Then she looked again, and looked back at all the paint swatches. "Wait, is this it?"

Lef T responded by looking from her ample bosom to her eyes and said, "Huh?" (ok, that's an exaggeration, that didn't really happen. But this is fiction... sort of..)

But to a guy, it's green. It's all green. And paint is totally named for women, because THEY are the ones who remember that the white they want above all other 50 shades of WHITE is called Swan Wing. (insert eye roll here).

So, CW said, "No, I think this is it. It was called Grape Leaves, wasn't it? There can't be two colors called the same thing. That NEVER happens."

So, after a lengthy discussion with the friendly paint mixer fellow regarding which finish to use, and how much was needed to paint a room of this size with 8 ft ceilings, the color above Grape Leaves was chosen. "A gallon of Grass Cloth in Satin Finish please", said CW.

"Six to eight minutes, ma'am" said friendly paint mixer fellow.

"Thanks! Hey, honey, let's go look at crown moulding." And Lef T responded by saying, "If I am laying a floor this weekend, I might need a new saw."

So, CW and Lef T went and looked at compound mitre saws. Can we say CHA-CHING?

And then CW and Lef T went and looked at crown moulding. CW said, "I need 44 linear feet," hoping to impress Lef T that she knew what a linear foot was. But what happened was that he looked at the price of the cheapest stuff closest to what she wanted and quickly did the math in his head. $1.78 per lf x 44lf = way too much money. Fine. If CW can't have her crown moulding, Lef T has to use his circular saw to cut flooring. It's called compromise.. LOL

Anyway, fast forward to this afternoon (because CW was being pampered by an awesome friend, who treated her to not only a pedicure, but also lunch!). Well, CW pulled off the base boards after a lengthy discussion about it with Lef T. And then it was time for kids to get home from school, and, being Friday, it was time for the weekly exchange of children.

After all of that, CW started having a freakout about a missing CD-ROM for a piece of equipment she was wanting to install on her PC. And during this freakout, throw crap off the desk a piece at a time, she found it. The original paint chip. And guess what. The color was GRAPE VINE, not GRAPE LEAVES. And unfortunately, if you have ever purchased paint from the Home Depot, you will know that the sticker they place on the top of the can after it's mixed isn't just a place for the color of the mixed paint. It is also for a special word: NON-RETURNABLE.

Until tonight, CW didn't know that word was on the lid of the paint can. But it is. So, CW thought and thought. She thought of where she could use the errant color instead. And Lef T said he would eat the cost of another gallon of paint if it would make her happy. But instead, CW decided to go ahead and use the paint. Even though it's the wrong color.

So, it's done. I painted it all in about an hour and 15 minutes. And I have photographic evidence. And it's beautiful. And it won't be too dark for the north facing small window room.

Just make sure if you are going to paint, and you want to be really specific about the color, don't purchase paint on the way home from a dinner date. Or if you are going to, or even if you think you might, keep the paint swatch in your purse.

Trust me when I tell you that you won't be sorry if you have it with you. It will save you from forgetting that paint that has a similar name doesn't mean it's the color you meant to buy. I'm helping you learn by CW's mistakes.

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