Wednesday, February 13, 2008

My life as a cake whore...

OK, so I must say that I LOVE cake. And not only do I love cake, I have found a place close to my house that serves it in individual size portions. OK, so it's not that close to my house, but whatever. I am speaking of course, of the cupcake. Cupcakes are delicious, moist and portion controlled. Are ya with me? OK, well, let me show you what I mean....


www.lillyjanescupcakes.com

GO there. LOOK. And then DRIVE there and taste. If you can't drive there, I am SO sorry... I can't ship them. Because that would mean the 40 minute drive to the store to purchase them, and, let's be honest... If I go and buy them, they are going to end up glued to my backside in the most unflattering form of cellulite ever. Trust me. I ate two of these today already. So.. funny story about this.

I had to go back this afternoon, after going this morning, because my first attempt was messed up by my near dropping of the half dozen box. That would have been ok, except then when I had put them all back in their respective places with just a little bit of frosting lost (ok, one lost all the frosting, but I digress), I then reached back to hand one to Jane. She was home sick and had a doctor appointment a little later that morning. SO, I gave her one. And before I gave it to her, I asked her, "Jane, can you unwrap it, or do you need me to?" And mistake number one was giving her the option in the first place... But mistake number two was giving her the option while I was pulling out of the parking lot.

So, I pull onto Eagle Rd, which for those of you not familiar with this area, is a four lane highway. Two lanes in each direction with a speed limit of 55 mph. I think there is a center turn lane as well, except near the intersections, where it's a left turn only lane.. but there again, I find myself getting off topic. So, here I am, heading toward the opposite end of Eagle Rd, where my kid's appointment is. And I have a small stop to make on the way, which is the dental office where I interviewed last week, so I can drop off the cupcakes I just purchased with a hand made (by me) cupcake shaped card thanking him for interviewing me. And then written in invisible ink is the part where I tell him this job would be the answer to many prayers from both the dh and me. This is some seriously expensive ass kissing considering a dozen of these babies is $27.50. I could have bought them 2 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts for $10 less than this. SO, this should tell you how much I want this job. Not only did I take them treats, I took them coveted treats. Treats I rarely afford myself... Dang.. I am losing focus. MUST be time for bed. But I will finish the telling of this story!

SO, from behind me in her booster seat, I hear my daughter say, "Mom, I can't open this."

Ok, did I mention that I am driving? And driving fast? Anyway, so I reach back with one hand while I white knuckle the steering wheel with the other. And she hands me her cupcake. Frosting side first... and while I am clutching the frosted top of this cupcake, it breaks in half. And drops the bottom part of the cup, still papered, into the rest of my small box of heaven. DAMMIT. And it's pretty well over. The only cupcakes to survive this mishap are the two coconut cupcakes, and the one strawberry one that the frosting had already slid off of because of my near dropping of the box. And mine, the one identical to this one, was underneath it. OH how mad do you think I was?

So, Because Jane's cupcake was obliterated, I offered her a choice of the strawberry one with no frosting, or a coconut. Well, she wanted the strawberry one with no frosting, which surprised me, because she typically will eat the frosting off of the cake, and nothing else. Well... again, shouldn't have given her the choice. Because she took half a bite, ok , more like half a nibble, and said, I don't like this. And was near tears, because she really wanted the chocolate one that had fallen to it's death and taken several hostages with it. So, I told her we would go back later. And this made her happy. And more so, it made me happy, because I knew I could get another chocolate cupcake with the hot chocolate "italian version of meringue" frosting.

So, we get her appointment overwith, and I head over to Craft Warehouse for some minor indiscretion, and to call my dh and ask him to have lunch with us. And then we go to lunch. And after lunch, we go back to Lilly Jane's.

And the gal working at the counter smiles at me and says, "Welcome to Lilly Jane's! Is this your first time in our store?" And I smile back sweetly and say, "Not only is it NOT my first time in the store, it's not my first time in the store TODAY" And I give her a cheesy grin. And the owner gets this delighted look on her face like I am her new best friend, and she says, "Now, that's what we like to hear!"

And the girl at the counter says, "Do you know what you'd like?"

UMMM, YEAH, a fireman feeding those hot chocolate frosting thingies to me off his chiseled pecs... oh wait.. sorry.. got lost for a minute... :D

"Yes, please. I'd like six of the chocolate with hot chocolate whatever it is frosting". And the owner smiles at me and says, "Isn't that frosting SO good?" and I'm like, uh YEAH, only so good that I am here moronically admitting to you that I was already in today to buy one and practically licked the first one off the cardboard since it didn't make the trip. And I said, "Yeah, I've decided you guys can't EVER stop making that. EVER." Because I totally have that air of authority.

Ok, pardon me now, while I pause to let my friends who know me well stop laughing.....


any time now guys...


OK, I am serious, not that funny....


OK, forget it, they are just going to laugh, so I will just forge ahead anyway...

SO, I make my purchase, and I am leaving, and the girl at the counter says, "Well, we'll see you a little later, then."

Yeah, FUNNY. "Um, no, I am actually not coming back today. I PROMISE"

And I meant it. But only because I had enough for today's snack, my late night snack (also known as a bed night snack by my youngest child) and breakfast, lunch and dinner for tomorrow. (Hey, it is Valentine's day, so I totally can eat cake for all three meals if I want) OH, and the calories don't count on valentine's day. Yeah... something like that...


Anyway... Order your cupcakes. But, I have a few tips and pointers for you.... :)

1. You can eat them at the store, and this would be advisable.
2. If you choose not to eat them at the store, eat them before you leave the parking lot.
3. If you forgot napkins and do not have a secret stash in your glove compartment, GO BACK AND GET NAPKINS.
4. If you drop them, DO not under any circumstances lick the cardboard insert to remove stray traces of frosting. You will cut your tongue. Those damn circles are sharp.
5. DO NOT eat them while driving 55 mph on ANY stretch of road.
6. Do not give a 5 year old child the option of unwrapping her own, especially if you are trying to drive.
7. Buy a milk or a water to wash them down. (Or coffee, if you're into that) They sell those. And other beverages, but I find drinking juice or soda with something sweet revolting.

And on that note, I am going to bed. Happy cupcaking. :)

1 comment:

jenalih said...

ROFLOLPMP! Girl you sure know how to crack me up! I'm still laughing and don't know how to stop. I would so love to go with you sometime to witness the "cupcake whore" in her "heaven on earth". LOL